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In some countries it is illegal to reject candidates for a job based on their ages. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v.1

In some countries it is illegal to reject candidates for a job based on their ages. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 1
Based on my knowledge, some humans assert that it is best to embrace a critical situation, such as a scarcity of money or a not satisfactory job. Most of the times people leave to think about it because they believe that everything has fixed according to their fate. While, some of them know that if they will try to mend the condition, they will create a worse scenario. For instance, if a person entails an A grade in mathematics, but after the result, he has obtained a B grade and he will not take any action against the examiner or to re-check the paper. In somehow, he knows that these steps put him into a more difficult position. As a repercussion, most of us accept it under the degree of fate. On the other hand, some of the humans argue that it can be better to try and improve the situation. They have believed that a man has an ability to change his fortune through hard work. For example, most of the mankind is doing a part-time job to fulfil their basic needs namely utility bills. So, they work hard to shift the scenario and not retain themselves on a single source of income. In my honest opinion, I strongly think that if anyone tries to have a better condition then, he will achieve his goal. However, they have abilities to do this and determine for his dream position, not blamed a fortune for all the things. To conclude, people can do anything if they persist with it. Also, they alternate the scenarios if they want, but mostly they leave it as a blessing in disguise.
Based on my knowledge,
some
humans assert that it is best to embrace a critical situation, such as a scarcity of money or a not satisfactory job.
Most of the times
people
leave
to
think
about it
because
they believe that everything has
fixed
according to their fate. While,
some
of them know that if they will try to mend the condition, they will create a worse scenario.
For instance
, if a person entails an A grade in mathematics,
but
after the result, he has obtained a B
grade and
he will not take any action against the examiner or to re-
check
the paper. In somehow, he knows that these steps put him into a more difficult position. As a repercussion, most of us accept it under the degree of fate.

On the other hand
,
some of the
humans argue that it can be better to
try and
improve
the situation. They have believed that a
man
has an ability to
change
his fortune through
hard
work.

For example
, most of the mankind is doing a part-time job to fulfil their basic needs
namely
utility bills.
So
, they work
hard
to shift the scenario and not retain themselves on a single source of income.

In my honest opinion, I
strongly
think
that if anyone tries to have a better condition then, he will achieve his goal.
However
, they have abilities to do this and determine for his dream position, not blamed a fortune for all the things.

To conclude
,
people
can do anything if they persist with it.
Also
, they alternate the scenarios if they want,
but
mostly
they
leave
it as a blessing in disguise.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is illegal to reject candidates for a job based on their ages. Discuss advantages and disadvantages of this and give your own opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
276 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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