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In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v.9

In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 9
In the past, young people only left home once they got married. Nowadays, though, youngsters tend to leave earlier. While there might be some disadvantages to this phenomenon, I believe that its benefits far outweigh them. There are two reasons why young people should not leave home earlier. Firstly, not all youngsters are ready to live away from home. An example of this would the type of people that are easily influenced by friends. Such people might lack the ability to resist their friends' temptation to get involved in dangerous situations, such as drug abuse. Secondly, parents would have to experience empty nest syndrome sooner than expected. This might be even more pronounced since they worry whether their children are mature enough to live on their own. Despite the plausible drawbacks, I think there are more advantages that can be obtained. One of them is that young people would sooner be more independent and reliable. Since they could no longer rely on their parents, they have to depend on themselves. For instance, they would learn to do household chores, which they might not have learnt otherwise. In addition, the parents-children relationship is likely to improve once both parties experienced living apart. Young adults might realise just how much they miss their parents, whom they might have taken for granted all this time. Thus, both sides are likely to make extra efforts to treat each other better. Besides, parents would have more time to take care of themselves once their children left home. The bond between the husband and the wife can even deepen this way. In conclusion, while I agree that there might be some drawbacks to the trend of young adults leaving their home earlier, I believe that there are more advantages to it. Thus, parents should let their children live away from home, even way before their marriage.
In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
home once they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
married. Nowadays, though, youngsters tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
earlier. While there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages to this phenomenon, I believe that its benefits far outweigh them.

There are two reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
home earlier.
Firstly
, not all youngsters are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from home. An example of this would the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that are
easily
influenced by friends. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lack the ability to resist their friends' temptation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations, such as drug abuse.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
experience empty nest syndrome sooner than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be even more pronounced since they worry whether their children are mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.

Despite the plausible drawbacks, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are more advantages that can
be obtained
. One of them is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would sooner be more independent and reliable. Since they could no longer rely on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
depend on themselves.
For instance
, they would learn to do household chores, which they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
not have
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
otherwise
.

In addition
, the parents-children relationship is likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
once both parties experienced living apart.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
how much they miss their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, whom they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have taken for granted all this time.
Thus
, both sides are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
extra efforts to treat each other better.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would have more time to take care of themselves once their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
home. The bond between the husband and the wife can even deepen this way.

In conclusion
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks to the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults leaving their home earlier, I believe that there are more advantages to it.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
away from home, even way
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
their marriage.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 9

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
310 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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