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In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v.10

In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 10
Nowadays education and job have become very important part of everyone's life. Without good education or job, it is difficult to survive in the present expensive world. Getting good education & good job is becoming an essential part of everyone's life. In order to fulfil this, sometimes people have to stay away from their parents. This has positive as well as a negative impact. Firstly, when there is a thirst for quality education, sometimes it is difficult for people to get admission in a good college or their field of interest, in the vicinity of their home. This makes them go away from their house and study in college/school which is far away from their family. They end up in staying in a place near the college. This development will help them to spend most of their time in college rather than to spend time in travelling alone. This will also make them access the library on weekends. Also, sometimes it will be cost effective as the student spends less money on travel. In addition, if they stay near the college they can do combined study, with their fellow classmates thus making them easier to understand the subject and have a successful educational life. On the negative side, it is when people stay away from parents, have less contact with parents and parents have less control on them. As a result, they fall into bad habits like drug abusing and unprofessional way of making money. This destroys their education and this will have a huge impact on their career and spoil their future. Secondly, people need to travel or stay away from their home depends on the job they are into. For example professions like marketing, sales normally require a lot of travelling and sometimes they even have to stay in a different city in order to reach their target. Some professionals, especially who are in the software field, need to work in their client place for a longer duration. This duration may reach up to 4-5 years depending on the type of project they are handling.   In one hand, this movement has advantages as people become more independent and thereby, it increases their self-confidence. It also helps in making the responsible citizen for the future. On the other hand, when people stay away from home they get exposed to bad companies, which will lead them to bad habits and destroys their career. To sum up, staying away from home will have both the advantages as well disadvantages. However, from the above discussion I opine that there are more advantages compared to disadvantages. Also, I feel the people who go away from home have to be in good touch with their parents. They should regularly visit their home during their holidays / vacations and also attend some family functions. In this away, they can maintain the family bonding, together with their professional or education life.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of everyone's life. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, it is difficult to survive in the present expensive world. Getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
&
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is becoming an essential part of everyone's life. In order to fulfil this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
as well
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact.

Firstly
, when there is a thirst for quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it is difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
admission in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
college or their field of interest, in the vicinity of their home. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and study in college/school which is far
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their family. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in staying in a place near the college. This development will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to spend most of their time in college
rather
than to spend time in travelling alone. This will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them access the library on weekends.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
it will
be cost
effective as the student spends less money on travel.
In addition
, if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
near the college they can do combined study, with their
Consider using "classmates".
fellow classmates
thus
making them easier to understand the subject and have a successful educational life.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, it is when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, have less contact with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have less control on them.
As a result
, they fall into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like drug abusing and unprofessional way of making money. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and this will have a huge impact on their career and spoil their future.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to travel or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their home depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they are into.
For example
professions like marketing, sales
normally
require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
travelling and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sometimes
they even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
city in order to reach their target.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
professionals,
especially
who are in the software field, need to work in their client place for a longer duration. This duration may reach up to 4-5 years depending on the type of project they are handling.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
In one hand, this movement has advantages as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become more independent and thereby, it increases their self-confidence. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in making the responsible citizen for the future.
On the other hand
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, which will lead them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
their career.

To sum up, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home will have both the advantages
as well
disadvantages.
However
, from the above discussion I opine that there are more advantages compared to disadvantages.
Also
, I feel the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
touch with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. They should
regularly
visit their home during their holidays / vacations and
also
attend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
family functions. In this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
, they can maintain the family bonding, together with their professional or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
life.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
486 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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