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In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v.7

In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 7
These days a lot of parents worry about their children’s independent behaviours. In fact, it was a custom that youth leave their homes after they married in many countries but at present, mentioned custom has changed and young people make their own life because of other different purposes such as study or work. While there are some disadvantages on this new behaviour trend, advantages are more considered and so, this essay has tried to cover the reasons. In the past, it was defined that anyone should marry and young people live with their parents to save money and increase their abilities to make their own families. It was logical that they didn't separate from their parents as they specified marriage as their life goal and according to those days' lifestyle, living with parents was preferred by young people and was beneficial. But nowadays, youth have a new perspective of life. In other words, they do not believe that marriage is the most important goal in life and they should be independent as soon as possible to have their interested lifestyle. Therefore, new targets have been replaced and youth not only do stay with their parents until they are married, but they go to other cities or countries to work or study. In fact, it makes a good opportunity for young people to be independent and help them to understand the meaning of life including its difficulties and ups and downs. I think, therefore, parents always want that their children obtain living skills and perhaps, allowing them to be separated for any reasons is the best way for this purpose and undeniably it would bring lots of advantages for young people.
These days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
worry about their children’s independent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
. In fact, it was a custom that youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their homes after they married in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at present, mentioned custom has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
purposes such as study or work. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages on this new
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
trend, advantages are more considered and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, this essay has tried to cover the reasons.

In the past, it
was defined
that anyone should marry and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to save money and increase their abilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
families. It was logical that they didn't separate from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as they specified marriage as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
goal and according to those days' lifestyle, living with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
was preferred
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and was beneficial.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
nowadays, youth have a new perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
In other words
, they do not believe that marriage is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
life and
they should be independent as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible to have their interested lifestyle.
Therefore
, new targets have
been replaced
and youth not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do stay with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
until they
are married
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they go to other cities or countries to work or study. In fact, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be independent and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to understand the meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
including its difficulties and ups and downs.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
,
therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always want that their children obtain living
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and perhaps, allowing them to
be separated
for any reasons is the best way for this purpose and
undeniably
it would bring lots of advantages for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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