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In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v.6

In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 6
It is not uncommon these days that in every country, young unmarried individuals are not living with their parents any longer because they choose to go abroad for study or work purposes. However, in every certain change, there are always benefits and drawbacks as I will now be discussing. My first point is, as a young adult, leaving our homes to study or work overseas will benefit us personally and professionally. For instance, when I was studying for a three-month course for initial registration for overseas registered nurses at IHNA (Institute of Health and Nursing Australia) in Heidelberg Hts. Victoria, Australia, I learned a lot more about myself in that twelve weeks program, because of the unique space in which I learned, experienced and spent exploring an Australian culture. My maturity has increased as well as my self-confidence and I gained personal growth. Also, an entire range of professional opportunities has opened up to me after I finished the initial registration partly due to the skills and internship experiences I acquired in one of the prominent hospitals in Melbourne, the Royal Melbourne Hospital. Thus, I am now a professional ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and private hospital here in the Philippines, the Urdaneta Sacred Heart Hospital. On the other hand, leaving our own home & our family will make us feel homesick that may sometimes lead to depression. As for my experience in Victoria, I was so alone and always missed my parents. Even if there is technology to make my communication ready and accessible with them, still it was not enough. As a result, I almost got into a depressing state if only I did not learn how to cope up. So these are the possible disadvantages of living away from home. In conclusion, I think that this trend will have a positive and negative impact in our lives. But if we manage to adapt this situation, this will give us more benefits than problems. So in order for us to achieve this, perhaps we have to socialise more often with our classmates or co-workers to avoid depression.
It is not uncommon these days that in every country, young unmarried individuals are not living with their parents any longer
because
they choose to go abroad for study or work purposes.
However
, in every certain
change
, there are always benefits and drawbacks as I will
now
be discussing.

My
first
point is, as a young adult, leaving our homes to study or work overseas will benefit us
personally
and
professionally
.
For instance
, when I was studying for a three-month course for initial registration for overseas registered nurses at
IHNA
(Institute of Health and Nursing Australia) in Heidelberg Hts. Victoria, Australia, I learned a lot more about myself in that twelve weeks program,
because
of the unique space in which I learned, experienced and spent exploring an Australian culture. My maturity has increased
as well
as my self-confidence and I gained personal growth.
Also
, an entire range of professional opportunities has opened up to me after I finished the initial registration partly due to the
skills
and internship experiences I acquired in one of the prominent hospitals in Melbourne, the Royal Melbourne Hospital.
Thus
, I am
now
a professional ICU (Intensive Care Unit) nurse in a tertiary level and private hospital here in the Philippines, the
Urdaneta
Sacred Heart Hospital.

On the other hand
, leaving our
own
home & our family will
make
us feel homesick that may
sometimes
lead to depression. As for my experience in Victoria, I was
so
alone and always missed my parents. Even if there is technology to
make
my communication ready and accessible with them,
still
it was not
enough
.
As a result
, I almost
got
into a depressing state if
only
I did not learn how to cope up.
So
these are the possible disadvantages of living away from home.

In conclusion
, I
think
that this trend will have a
positive
and
negative
impact in our
lives
.
But
if we manage to adapt this situation, this will give us more benefits than problems.
So
in order for us to achieve this, perhaps we
have to
socialise
more
often
with our classmates or co-workers to avoid depression.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries nowadays, young single people no longer stay with their parents until they are married, but leave to study or work somewhere else. Do you think this trend has more advantages or disadvantages? v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
353 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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