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The crime rate nowadays is decreasing as compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree. v.2

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing as compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. v. 2
Whether or not the rate of crime is decreasing because of improved technology is debatable. In my view, crime rates are declining. Firstly, the pace of modern technology is leading a more secure society and prevents crimes that are about to happen. If criminals are aware of being monitored, they will refuse to break the laws as it comes with more risks, for example, security cameras are installed and widely distributed. In addition, police forces can apply revolutionary technology like unmanned ariel vehicles to help trace down criminals, covering a wide range, which helps to find missing suspects. Moreover, technology is raising public awareness to control crime. Media and security departments report crimes on the internet and social media, which could escalate anxiety to people who intend to break the laws and also increases awareness to abide by the rules. For instance, the media can report a person getting into prison by committing fraud, which shows the public what kind of consequences you would have to bear by being against the law. Last but not least, technology is improving the quality of education, therefore reducing potential criminals. Technology is lowering costs, and more platforms to study are increasing on the internet. As a result, more people will be educated and tend to have positive moral values and display socially responsible behaviour. On the other hand, others might argue the development of technology is creating more opportunities for cybercrime, online frauds, and hacking. Although, this could be argued, whereas the governments are increasing censorship on the internet to tackle the problem. In conclusion, I strongly agree with less crime is caused by technological advances.
Consider shortening this phrase to just "Whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
Whether or not
the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is decreasing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is debatable. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rates are declining.

Firstly
, the pace of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is leading a more secure society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that are about to happen. If criminals are aware of
being monitored
, they will refuse to break the laws as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
,
for example
, security cameras
are installed
and
widely
distributed.
In addition
, police forces can apply revolutionary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
like unmanned
Possible spelling mistake found.
ariel
vehicles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
trace down criminals, covering a wide range, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to find missing suspects.

Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is raising public awareness to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. Media and security departments report
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
on the internet and social media, which could escalate anxiety to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who intend to break the laws and
also
increases awareness to abide by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
For instance
, the media can report a person getting into prison by committing fraud, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the public what kind of consequences you would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bear by being against the law.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is improving the quality of education,
therefore
reducing potential criminals.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
is lowering costs, and more platforms to study are increasing on the internet.
As a result
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be educated
and tend to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
moral values and display
socially
responsible
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

On the other hand
, others might argue the development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is creating more opportunities for cybercrime, online frauds, and hacking. Although, this could
be argued
, whereas the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
are increasing censorship on the internet to tackle the problem.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is caused
by technological advances.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay The crime rate nowadays is decreasing as compared to the past due to advanced technology which can prevent and solve crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
273 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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