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Some people think students in primary school / secondary school should be taught how to manage money because it is an important life skill. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think students in primary school / secondary school should be taught how to manage money because it is an important life skill. v. 1
Teaching scholar about financial administration plays a crucial role for every undergraduate as it is today's pivotal skill. However, I agree with this statement that school should teach money management in the early period of student's life. Firstly, if children will learn how to save payment in early age, it will not only helpful for today but also it will helpful for future perspective. As it is generally seen that student learn what they taught at the Academy. Learning institute is the best place to learn about financial management. Secondly, it will helpful for parents too. While learning this useful skill, children will not spend money on useless things like expensive toys and other expensive items. Furthermore, this skill also made pupil mature. Student think more about saving wealth. As a result, they can spend that wealth in the hard time when a person needs money. What is more, this skill also improve the mental ability of students and children improve the mathematical skill as they count what they save. As last year, a survey conducted by primary school showed that about because of this art children think more quickly. In conclusion, every academy should be taught money management skill in learning centres and should conduct some activities so that more and more learners learn about this useful skill.
Teaching scholar about financial administration plays a crucial role for every undergraduate as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's pivotal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement that school should teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management in the early period of student's life.

Firstly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to save payment in early age, it will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helpful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will helpful
for future perspective.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
what they taught at the Academy. Learning institute is the best place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about financial management.
Secondly
, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
will helpful
for parents too. While learning this useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on useless things like expensive toys and other expensive items.

Furthermore
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
also
made pupil mature. Student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more about saving wealth.
As a result
, they can spend that wealth in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time when a person needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
What is more
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mental ability of students and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the mathematical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
as they count what they save. As last year, a survey conducted by primary school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that about
because of this
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more
quickly
.

In conclusion
, every academy should
be taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
management
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in learning
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and should conduct
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
activities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that more and more learners
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
about this useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Some people think students in primary school / secondary school should be taught how to manage money because it is an important life skill. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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