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With the increase demand of fuel people should look at the other untouched fuel places. Do you agree or disagree. v.1

With the increase demand of fuel people should look at the other untouched fuel places. v. 1
It is undeniable that tourism often considered as a vital factor in raising a country’s revenue. While this approach might be crucial for the economy, I would argue that it has some drawbacks that should be taken into consideration up to a point. To begin with, tourism plays an essential role in maintaining a country’s economy. This is because the increasing number of tourists who visit a country for a vacation may rise its revenues, and this is may be resulted in lowering the rates of unemployment. For instance, Singapore, was considered as a poor country in the last four decades until its government planned to overcome the poverty by encouraging tourists to visit Singapore. As a result, the economy of Singapore is now one of the best economies in the world as it is as well the most favorable attraction for honeymooners. However, although tourism usually has a significant role in raising revenues, it has some minor drawbacks. Brazil, for example, had held the world cup in the 2018. While it has a powerful economy, it is unfortunately well-known for thefts. In other words, the vast majority of people in Brazil suffer from crimes. This is why many tourists opt not to travel to Brazil due to highly unlikely robberies that could occur. Consequently, the Brazilian economy is now suffering from recession as many investors left the country due to unsafe conditions. In conclusion, despite the tremendous amount that a country can generate from tourism, I believe that it has some drawbacks that should be overcome by government.
It is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered as a vital factor in raising a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
revenue. While this approach might be crucial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, I would argue that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that should
be taken
into consideration up to a point.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
plays an essential role in maintaining a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the increasing number of tourists who visit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
for a vacation may rise its revenues, and this is may
be resulted
in lowering the rates of unemployment.
For instance
, Singapore,
was considered
as a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
in the last four decades until its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
planned to overcome the poverty by encouraging tourists to visit Singapore.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
of Singapore is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
one of the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economies
in the world as it is
as well
the most favorable attraction for honeymooners.

However
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
usually
has a significant role in raising revenues, it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor drawbacks. Brazil,
for example
, had held the world cup in the 2018. While it has a powerful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
, it is unfortunately well-known for thefts.
In other words
, the vast majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in Brazil suffer from crimes. This is why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
tourists opt not to travel to Brazil due to
highly
unlikely robberies that could occur.
Consequently
, the Brazilian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
economy
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
suffering from recession as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
investors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
due to unsafe conditions.

In conclusion
, despite the tremendous amount that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
can generate from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
, I believe that it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks that should
be overcome
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay With the increase demand of fuel people should look at the other untouched fuel places. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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