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Nowadays, many people buy household goods (like television, rice cookers etc). Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.1

Nowadays, many people buy household goods (like television, rice cookers etc). Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1
Modern technologies have changed the way people live over the half century. These days, a number of people purchase household appliances (like television, rice cookers etc. ) In my opinion, the use of household apparatus is undoubtedly a positive development which makes people’s life easier, and entertains and educates them despite some drawbacks. Household items have improved people’s life quality. One clear evidence of this is that household goods such as washing machine and vacuum cleaner made life easier. For example, people, who use washing machine and a smart cleaner, save their time and energy instead of spending it on cleaning or washing by hand. In other words, they can spare the time, which require to clean and wash, for their children and loved ones. Therefore, household items are time-effective and energy-saving, which alleviate their household chores in daily life. Household apparatus like television and home cinema system offer a variety of opportunities for people. Put simply, a television is not only a great tool to watch TV shows and to get news, but also an educational and entertaining tool, which is able to get together a family. For instance, watching a foreign film expands your horizon, teach you about other cultures, and helps you learn new languages. Moreover, television, which offers a variety of TV programmes, from comedy to documentary, is the greatest medium to spend quality time with family members. However, is television totally useful for people? It is likely that television may have a negative impact on individuals, which leads to health issues. The main reason is that excessive TV watching may result in obesity. To illustrate, people, who view TV excessively, tend to do less physical exercise and which, in turn, they will not burn calorie and fat by sitting in the front of the TV. As a result of this, they face health problems like obesity and gain weight. However, as long as people watch TV by setting a limit, they can avoid concerning health issues. In conclusion, individuals prefer buying household appliances such as television, wending machine and vacuum cleaner. In my opinion, the use of these modern apparatus is a positive development because of that, they make life easier, save time and energy, and have informative and entertaining features, despite a few of the drawbacks.
Modern technologies have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
over the half century. These days, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
appliances (like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, rice cookers etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
apparatus is
undoubtedly
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier, and entertains and educates them despite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks.

Household items have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
evidence of this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
such as washing machine and vacuum cleaner made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
washing machine and a smart cleaner, save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy
instead
of spending it on cleaning or washing by hand.
In other words
, they can spare the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which require
Did you mean "cleaning"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to clean
and wash, for their children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
items are time-effective and energy-saving, which alleviate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
chores in daily life.

Household apparatus like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
and home cinema system offer a variety of opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Put
simply
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a great tool to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
news,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
an educational and entertaining tool, which is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
together a family.
For instance
, watching a foreign film expands your horizon, teach you about other cultures, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
you learn new languages.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, which offers a variety of TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, from comedy to documentary, is the greatest medium to spend quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family members.
However
, is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
totally
useful for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
?

It is likely that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
may have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on individuals, which leads to health issues. The main reason is that excessive TV watching may result in obesity. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, who view TV
excessively
, tend to do less physical exercise and which, in turn, they will not burn calorie and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
by sitting in the front of the TV.
As a result
of this, they face health problems like obesity and gain weight.
However
, as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
TV by setting a limit, they can avoid concerning health issues.

In conclusion
, individuals prefer buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
household
appliances such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, wending machine and vacuum cleaner. In my opinion, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of these modern apparatus is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier, save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy, and have informative and entertaining features, despite a few of the drawbacks.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, many people buy household goods (like television, rice cookers etc). Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
382 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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