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Some people say that private schools should not be allowed to exist. Why do people believe this? What is your opinion? v.1

Some people say that private schools should not be allowed to exist. Why do people believe this? What is your opinion? v. 1
Some people are opposed to the existence of private schools, and believe that they should be prohibited. Even though they make some arguments against these schools, I think that private schools have some advantages for the public. Two reasons are given by those who are on the opinion that private schools should be removed. Firstly, these schools cause inequality in competition. They have extensive opportunities, such as more advanced computer-based education, a wider range of schoolbooks, and highly paid, so more qualified teachers, so they give only rich students who can afford high tuition fees the chance to become more successful in their life. Those pupils may get higher scores in the university exams than their fellows’ studying in the public schools, get into prestigious universities, and make a distinguished career in any profession; consequently, they become respected members of the society. For example, the most reputable financial corporation in the United States are inclined to recruit graduates from private schools to those having diplomas from public schools as they think that the former is more skilful than the latter. Secondly, according to those who are against the private schools, particularly in developing countries, they undermine the national unity of the people. In other words, private schools generate an alienation within the youth; as a result, schoolchildren being educated in these schools begin to turn away, and look down on their societies, and even serve for the interests of developing or imperialist countries but contrary to their own. Thus, inequality and alienation are two basic words used by those while criticizing the private schools. Although in the view of some people concerned about their educational programme, private schools have some drawbacks, it can be said that they possess numerous advantages for the progress of the societies. Firstly, unlike public schools, the magnitude of classes make private schools suitable for training. As classes are not so crowded, they facilitate for tutors to deal with children’s every kind of problem about the related lesson more closely, motivate them to improve their skills convenient to their competence, so these schools make it easy for young people to become more efficient in their job, and even reach to the top level in their career. To illustrate, a research conducted in Canada between 2010 and 2015 shows that schoolboys or schoolgirls who have good relationship with their teachers become more productive in their work life. Secondly, private schools have another benefit for their students such as healthy or balanced diet. They pay attention to the pupils’ nutrition, carry out careful programmes, including diversity in vegetables and fruits, high energy and protein, so that they create more capable people than public schools can do. Therefore, in some ways, notably by qualification of classes and healthy nourishment, private schools train able generations for that country’s future. In conclusion, private schools may provide small number of children with a more developed education, and have a risk such as producing a generation disdain for its own people, but I think that its benefits compel governments to allow them to maintain their educational activities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are opposed
to the existence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, and believe that they should
be prohibited
.
Even though
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
arguments against these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for the public.

Two reasons are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
by those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are on the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should
be removed
.
Firstly
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
cause inequality in competition. They have extensive opportunities, such as more advanced computer-based education, a wider range of schoolbooks, and
highly
paid,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
more qualified teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
rich students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can afford high tuition fees the chance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more successful in their life. Those pupils may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher scores in the university exams than their fellows’ studying in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into prestigious universities, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a distinguished career in any profession;
consequently
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
respected members of the society.
For example
, the most reputable financial corporation in the United States
are inclined
to recruit graduates from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
to those having diplomas from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the former is more
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
than the latter.
Secondly
, according to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are against the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
,
particularly
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
, they undermine the national unity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
generate an alienation within the youth;
as a result
, schoolchildren
being educated
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
to turn away, and look down on their societies, and even serve for the interests of developing or imperialist countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
contrary to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
Thus
, inequality and alienation are two basic words
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by those while criticizing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
schools.

Although in the view of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
concerned about their educational
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, it can
be said
that they possess numerous advantages for the progress of the societies.
Firstly
, unlike
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, the magnitude of classes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
suitable for training. As classes are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
crowded, they facilitate for tutors to deal with children’s every kind of problem about the related lesson more
closely
, motivate them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
convenient to their competence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
it easy for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more efficient in their job, and even reach to the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
top level
in their career. To illustrate,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted in Canada between 2010 and 2015
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that schoolboys or schoolgirls
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationship with their teachers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
more productive in their work life.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have another benefit for their students such as healthy or balanced diet. They pay attention to the pupils’ nutrition, carry out careful
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
, including diversity in vegetables and fruits, high energy and protein,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they create more capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can do.
Therefore
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways,
notably
by qualification of classes and healthy nourishment,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
train able generations for that country’s future.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
may provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
number of children with a more developed education, and have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
such as producing a generation disdain for its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that its benefits compel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to maintain their educational activities.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
53Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that private schools should not be allowed to exist. Why do people believe this? What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
514 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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