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In many countries imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

In many countries imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. v. 4
When it comes to preventing crimes, there is a controversy among if people need to be punished, or only educational methods are enough. Looking at some evidence in the past, everyone can see clearly that most of the crimes were reduced by laws or rules, which eventually end up with punishments. That is why imprisonment plays an important and efficient role in controlling crimes in countries. Speaking of learning from failure, no one can deny the positive effect of punishment that it can help people be aware of their own mistakes. To be more specific, take an exceptional student as an example because needless to say, a school is just a small society with all of the necessary components. In every school, all students will be taught how to behave reasonably and acceptably. They will also be given some laws and rules that they should follow in order to maintain a smooth educational environment. Those students all understand what they will face if they break the rules - an appropriate punishment. With the help of those rules, the students will think more carefully before crossing the line. Moreover, even when they do that, what they receive from the related authority will become a cautious notice for the next law violence. Another reason for using punishment to solve crimes problem is that we - human - are still a kind of animal with our natural instinct. In fact, it is impossible for people to control themselves avoid our nature. No matter how much we learn or train ourselves, it always tell us to follow what we feel enjoyable. It is undeniable that there is a big number of talented students - who were well-educated with stable living condition - caught by damaging both national and personal assets. Some of them were even sent to jails for some sexual crimes. Those cases have proven that human being is not reliable. To build a safe and peaceful country, there is a need to have a law system with suitable punishments. In conclusion, every country needs to consider thoroughly what they are required to obtain their societies’ security. Obviously, laws and punishments are necessary to deal with crime problems. It is definitely essential for everyone to have a caution and remind for what they will gain when they violate the laws.
When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, there is a controversy among if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to be

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
punished
, or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
educational methods are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. Looking at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
evidence in the past,

everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
clearly
that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, which

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
eventually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
.
That is
why imprisonment plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
efficient
role in controlling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in countries.

Speaking of learning from failure, no one can deny the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect of punishment

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
that
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
be aware of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
mistakes. To be more specific, take
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
an


exceptional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
as an example
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
needless to say, a school is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
society
with
Consider using "all the".
all of the
necessary components. In every school, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
be


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
taught
how to behave
reasonably
and
acceptably
. They will
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
rules
that they should follow in order to maintain a smooth educational environment.

Those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
all understand what they will face if they break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
an

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
more


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
crossing the line.
Moreover
, even when they do that, what they

receive from the related authority will become a cautious notice for the
next
law

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
violence
.

Another reason for using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
problem is that we
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
human
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
are

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
still
a kind of animal with our natural instinct. In fact, it is impossible for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
control
themselves avoid our nature. No matter how much we learn or train ourselves,

it always
Did you mean "tells"?
tell
us to follow what we feel enjoyable. It is undeniable that there is a
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
big


number of talented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
who were well-educated with stable living condition -

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
caught
by damaging both national and personal assets.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them were even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
to


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
jails
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sexual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. Those cases have proven that human being is not reliable.

To build a safe and peaceful country, there is a need to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
system with suitable

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
punishments
.

In conclusion
, every country needs to consider
thoroughly
what they
are required
to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
obtain
their societies’ security.
Obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are necessary to deal

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
problems. It is definitely essential for everyone to have a caution
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
and


This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
remind
for what they will gain when they violate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
34Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. v. 4

Essay
  American English
29 paragraphs
387 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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