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Task 2: In many countries imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Task 2: In many countries imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. v. 2
it is true that incarceration is the most prevalent method to isolate dagerous crimimals who might impact harmful on society. While i agree that many goverments have to severe regislations to takle this problem. I believe that education is a better way to reduce rating of crimes. On the one hand, there are two major reasons why imprisonment is main solution which is not replace by other solutions. Firstly, this has constantly deferential and restricted some serious consequences by crime which cause insecurity in society, for instance, terrorists, organized criminal group, corrupt officers. Secondly, goverments maintain this strict law in order to make safety enviroment for protecting their citizens, for example the goverment in singapore has strong punishment to reduce badly behaviours. On the other hand ( however i would argue that), education is essential element for solving hard line root of crime in a long term. For aspect of government, Criminal in prison need to suffer education class, in particularly the classes concentrate on morality and specific job, which help them to easily attend society after they had been released. Futhermore, high effective system of education help people to enhance awareness in their job and it might contribute to reduce pressure for government who sustain huge budget to solve this problem, for example: japan is one of most safety countries in around the world with lowest rating of crimes. In conclusion, although education is primary factor to build a stabilization of society, the rule should be enforced which directly affects all citizen in country.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is true that incarceration is the most prevalent method to isolate
Possible spelling mistake found.
dagerous
Possible spelling mistake found.
crimimals
who might impact harmful on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
severe
Possible spelling mistake found.
regislations
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
takle
this problem. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a better way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
rating of crimes.

On the one hand, there are two major reasons why imprisonment is main solution which is not
Consider using a past participle here: "replaced".
replace
by other solutions.
Firstly
, this has
constantly
deferential and restricted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "by". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences by
crime which cause insecurity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
for instance
, terrorists, organized criminal group, corrupt officers.
Secondly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverments
maintain this strict law in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
safety
Possible spelling mistake found.
enviroment
for protecting their citizens,
for example
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
goverment
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
singapore
has strong punishment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
badly
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

On the other hand
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
however
Did you mean "I"?
i
would argue that),
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is essential element for solving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
line root of crime in a long term. For aspect of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, Criminal in prison need to suffer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, in
particularly
the classes concentrate on morality and specific job, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
easily
attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
after they had
been released
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
, high effective system of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to enhance awareness in their job and it might contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
pressure for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
who sustain huge budget to solve this problem,
for example
: japan is one of most safety countries in around the world with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the lowest".
lowest
rating of crimes.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is primary factor to build a stabilization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
should
be enforced
which
directly
affects all citizen in country.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay Task 2: In many countries imprisonment is the most common solution to crimes. However, some people believe that better education will be a more effective solution. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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