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In many countries, as people are earning more these days they are also spending money in buying more and more items. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v.2

In many countries, as people are earning more these days they are also spending money in buying more and more items. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 2
The rising level of people’s income is being increasingly witnessed in many nations nowadays and as a result, people tend to purchase more products compared to the past. In this essay, I shall discuss why I believe this is largely a positive development even though there are a few drawbacks associated with this trend. There are numerous compelling reasons why this tendency is beneficial to the public and the prominent one is that buying more necessary life goods can improve people’s living conditions as it enables people to fulfil their life satisfaction and increased life expectancy more easily and effectively. Additionally, the economy will benefit a lot from this because it can stimulate the economic growth. A recent survey conducted in Japan has revealed that the consumer culture plays a crucial role in the economic development of the country. Therefore, these advantages have a profound impact on the society. However, every coin has two sides. The main negative consequence of this trend is that it may lead to over consumption of products and a rapidly growing amount of rubbish in the public because people is encouraged by various manufacturers and advertisements to buy more and more products that they don’t really need then just throw them away after a while. Take myself for example, I’m planning to buy the newest smart phone in order to keep up the trend. As can be seen, our society could be adversely affected by this tendency as well. To sum up, people like to spend more money on purchasing a wide range of products because they are having a higher salary than the past. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that the positive aspects of this development surpass the negative points.
The rising level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
income is being
increasingly
witnessed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations nowadays and
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
compared to the past. In this essay, I shall discuss why I believe this is
largely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development
even though
there are a few drawbacks associated with this trend.

There are numerous compelling reasons why this tendency is beneficial to the public and the prominent one is that buying more necessary life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
living conditions as it enables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to fulfil their life satisfaction and increased life expectancy more
easily
and
effectively
.
Additionally
, the economy will benefit a lot from this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can stimulate the economic growth. A recent survey conducted in Japan has revealed that the consumer culture plays a crucial role in the economic development of the country.
Therefore
, these advantages have a profound impact on the society.

However
, every coin has two sides. The main
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequence of this trend is that it may lead to over consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and a
rapidly
growing amount of rubbish in the public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
encouraged by various manufacturers and advertisements to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
that they don’t
really
need then
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
throw them away after a while. Take myself
for example
, I’m planning to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the newest smart phone in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
up the trend. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, our society could be
adversely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by this tendency
as well
.

To sum up,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend more money on purchasing a wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are having a higher salary than the past. Taking everything into consideration, I’m inclined to say that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this development surpass the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
points.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay In many countries, as people are earning more these days they are also spending money in buying more and more items. Do you think it is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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