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In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples v.5

In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? 5
In recent years, young people have been gradually having an independent lifestyle. They like to discover new horizons which are different from their family. Therefore, they try to escape from their family to find freedom by renting or sharing a rented house with their friends. This fact brings both positive and negative advancement to youngsters. In some cases, teenagers become more mature when they leave from the arm of their parents. This is because they do not have anyone to depend on, while at home, they are taken care seriously by their parents. Of course, being outside their home, youngsters may face with difficulties. However, they would be stronger after getting over their obstacles. For example, as long as young people get sick, they have to meet GP by themselves and study how to take care themselves effectively in the future instead of waiting for some help from their mother. In contrast, the freedom lifestyle can make teenagers suffer from dishonest guys. In other words, they are too young to realize the tricks of the gangsters which make friends with an aim to make advantage of fame and fortune of friends. These bad guys can destroy the future of young people by encouraging youngsters to be victims of drug, alcohol, and criminals. For instance, gangsters can hire teenagers to sell goods without giving full information about the product. To conclude, leaving from the family can bring advantages and backwards to teenagers. Obviously, they would scope with difficulties during the early days, but they would get a better future. As far as I am concerned, it is very important to choose friends when youngsters have the independent lifestyle.
In recent years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been
gradually
having an independent lifestyle. They like to discover new horizons which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from their family.
Therefore
, they try to escape from their family to find freedom by renting or sharing a rented
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. This fact brings both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
advancement to youngsters.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
become more mature when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
from the arm of their parents. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have anyone to depend on, while at home, they
are taken
care
seriously
by their parents.
Of course
, being outside their home, youngsters may face with difficulties.
However
, they would be stronger after getting over their obstacles.
For example
, as long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
sick, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
GP by themselves and study how to take care themselves
effectively
in the future
instead
of waiting for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their mother.

In contrast
, the freedom lifestyle can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
suffer from dishonest guys.
In other words
, they are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to realize the tricks of the gangsters which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with an aim to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
advantage of fame and fortune of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
guys can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
the future of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
by encouraging youngsters to be victims of drug, alcohol, and criminals.
For instance
, gangsters can hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
to sell
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
without giving full information about the product.

To conclude
, leaving from the family can bring advantages and backwards to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
.
Obviously
, they would scope with difficulties during the early days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better future. As far as I
am concerned
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to choose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
when youngsters have the independent lifestyle.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries around the world young people decide to leave their parents’ home once they finish school. They start living on their own or sharing a home with friends. Is this a positive or a negative development? 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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