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In many countries around the world young people decode to leave their parents home once they finish school. They start living in their personal homes or sharing homes with their friends. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries around the world young people decode to leave their parents home once they finish school. They start living in their personal homes or sharing homes with their friends. v. 1
In recent years, it has been observed that many small shops in the local area have closed because customers go to big shopping centres or malls to buy essentials. In my opinion, I feel that this is a negative trend because people will have to travel a larger distance, even for small things thereby wasting resources, furthermore, there are other serious consequences to the society in terms of economy. One of the ill effects of shutting down small retail shops in the vicinity of our homes is that residents will waste their valuable time and resources in order to procure even simple items by travelling greater distances. For instance, in some unforeseen scenarios wherein milk got emptied then customers must go to malls which are far away, therefore, both time and fuel will be wasted. Hence closing of small shops is a negative development because of many people shopping in bigger centres. Another concern for small shops getting closed is that the source of the money for such shops also becomes unavailable thereby hindering the growth of the economy. The family of such shops will struggle for their survival and will become a burden to the society. To illustrate, in Bangalore lots of small shops got closed and people went on hunger strike against big shopping centres and the government to lay some regulations on new shopping centre. Hence, small retail shops getting closed is seen as a negative implication on the growth of the human society. In conclusion, a lot of small shops going extinct are a big trouble for individuals as they have borne the travel expenses even for tiny essentials, in addition, society will have faced economic crisis due to the support it has to provide to the small retail owners.
In recent years, it has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the local area have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
customers go to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or malls to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
essentials. In my opinion, I feel that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel a larger distance, even for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
things thereby wasting resources,
furthermore
, there are other serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "to". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences to
the society in terms of economy.

One of the ill effects of shutting down
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
in the vicinity of our homes is that residents will waste their valuable time and resources in order to procure even simple items by travelling greater distances.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unforeseen scenarios wherein milk
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
emptied then customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
go to malls which are far away,
therefore
, both time and fuel will
be wasted
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
closing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in bigger
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
.

Another concern for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closed
is that the source of the money for such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
also
becomes unavailable thereby hindering the growth of the economy. The family of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
will struggle for their survival and will become a burden to the society. To illustrate, in Bangalore lots of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closed
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
went on hunger strike against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to lay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regulations on new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
retail
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
closed
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implication on the growth of the human society.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
going extinct are a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trouble for individuals as they have borne the travel expenses even for tiny essentials,
in addition
, society will have faced economic crisis due to the support it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
retail owners.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay In many countries around the world young people decode to leave their parents home once they finish school. They start living in their personal homes or sharing homes with their friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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