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In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. v. 3
There is no doubt that crime has risen worldwide. In some nations, it is considered that TV programmes and videogames with violent content are to blame for this increasing trend. This essay partly agrees with that statement because, although exposure to those type of images can contribute to the rise in crimes, I believe that other factors must be taken into account as well. To begin with, violent TV shows and videogames can contribute to the increase in crime by desensitising people. In other words, by watching repeatedly bad behaviour and violent images, people start to think that those are normal and that they are entitled to follow those conducts, despite the suffering of the victims. For instance, research has shown that children who spend long hours playing videogames involving guns and killings are prone to become intolerant, aggressive and apathetic to other children’s needs. In consequence, exposure to violent scenes can have a negative effect on people’s behaviour. Nevertheless, criminality is a complex subject, and media exposure is not the only element linked to its rise. Another influencing factor is substance abuse, such as alcohol, psychotropic pills and illegal drugs. It is well documented how these substances can impair mental health and re-enforce misconducts. In addition, in order to afford their consumption, drug addicts often participate in other criminal activities. For example, an Alcoholic person can end up losing his/her job because of the repercussions of alcohol in his/her life and behaviour. This, in turn, can stimulate him to steal in order to support his consumption and living. In conclusion, in my view, TV programmes and violent videogames can encourage people to commit crimes. However, other factors, such as substance abuse, can contribute to increase criminal offences.
There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
has risen worldwide. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, it
is considered
that TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
content are to blame for this increasing trend. This essay partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, although exposure to those type of images can contribute to the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
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violent
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
can contribute to the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by
Possible spelling mistake. 'desensitising' is British English.
desensitising
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people
. In
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other
words, by watching
repeatedly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
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violent
images,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that those are normal and that they
are entitled
to follow those conducts, despite the suffering of the victims.
For instance
, research has shown that children who spend long hours playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
involving guns and killings are prone to become intolerant, aggressive and apathetic to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
children’s needs. In consequence, exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Nevertheless
, criminality is a complex subject, and media exposure is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
element linked to its rise. Another influencing factor is substance abuse, such as alcohol, psychotropic pills and illegal drugs. It is well documented how these substances can impair mental health and re-enforce misconducts.
In addition
, in order to afford their consumption, drug addicts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
criminal activities.
For example
, an Alcoholic person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up losing his/her job
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the repercussions of alcohol in his/her life and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. This, in turn, can stimulate him to steal in order to support his consumption and living.

In conclusion
, in my view, TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors, such as substance abuse, can contribute to increase criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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