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Some people believe that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today's world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. •In what ways are computers a hindrance? •What is your opi v.3

Some people believe that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today's world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. •In what ways are computers a hindrance? •What is your opi v. 3
Today, it is important to note that the public has a growing appetite for different content areas of news. Amongst these contents, celebrity news is of high entertainment value to many individuals. However, no one would ever want their personal life to make the front-page headlines. Hence, it seems to be inappropriate for the media to publish this kind of private information freely. The mass media play a crucial role in promoting the exposure of celebrities, and this can lead to stardom becoming a sought-after status. For instance, press coverage of the famous people’s lives can pave the way for admirers follow the footsteps of their favourite star. Idolizing successful people encourages juveniles to play to their strength to attain prosperity in real life. Another benefit is that celebrities can attract good publicity through the means of mass media coverage. While many people aspire to achieve fame, the celebrity lifestyle is not without its drawbacks. Suffering from a life in the public eye is a clear indication of the associated disadvantages. But the symbiotic relationship between the media and celebrities cannot be overlooked, which means that they both depend on each other for existence and survival. Although, this fact should not be deemed as a justification for publishing unwelcome personal matters. The persistence of press attention from the likes of paparazzi is a clear example of privacy invasion. Therefore, governments should take strict actions against the channels which are not operating in a moral framework. In the light of aforesaid factors, it is clear that the merits cannot outweigh the negatives of breaching the personal space. In my viewpoint, the best approach would be government interference to create a safe environment for both parties.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to note that the public has a growing appetite for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
content areas of news. Amongst these contents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
news is of high entertainment value to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals.
However
, no one would ever want their personal life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the front-page headlines.
Hence
, it seems to be inappropriate for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
to publish this kind of private information
freely
.

The mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
play a crucial role in promoting the exposure of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
, and this can lead to stardom becoming a sought-after status.
For instance
, press coverage of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can pave the way for admirers follow the footsteps of their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
star. Idolizing successful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
encourages
juveniles to play to their strength to attain prosperity in real life. Another benefit is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
publicity through the means of mass
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
coverage.

While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
aspire to achieve fame, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
lifestyle is not without its drawbacks. Suffering from a life in the public eye is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
indication of the associated disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
the symbiotic relationship between the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
cannot
be overlooked
, which means that they both depend on each other for existence and survival. Although, this fact should not
be deemed
as a justification for publishing unwelcome personal matters. The persistence of press attention from the likes of paparazzi is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example of privacy invasion.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should take strict actions against the channels which are not operating in a moral framework.

In the light of aforesaid factors, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the merits cannot outweigh the negatives of breaching the personal space. In my viewpoint, the best approach would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
interference to create a safe environment for both parties.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that computers are more a hindrance than a help in today's world. Others feel that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. •In what ways are computers a hindrance? •What is your opi v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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