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In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. v. 1
Governments have always been looking for the roots of the crime so they would be able to mitigate the offence rate in society. In some nations, it is considered that TV programmes and video games with violent content are to blame for this increasing trend. This essay will discuss that although exposure to violent images can contribute to the rise in crimes, other factors must be taken into account as well. There is no doubt that violent TV shows and video games can be contributed to the growth of the crime by sensitization. Indeed, these programs and games can operate, such as a stimulus to motivate the aggressive and offensive sense which is existed in everyone's subconscious. For instance, the result of a study indicates that students who spend long hours to watch violent movies or play games involving guns and killing show more bullying behaviors rather than their peers. In consequence, exposure to violent scenes can have a negative effect on people’s behaviour. Forasmuch as criminality is a complex subject, so TV show and video games are not the only elements linked to its rise. Economic issues play an important role in the formation of crimes and social deviations so that unemployment leads to poverty, and there is a significant relationship between poverty, unemployment and increasing crime and violence in the country. Unemployment is another influencing factor in the emergence of crime. The findings suggest that unemployment is at the root of many crimes as it exacerbates poverty, and in some cases leads many crimes. Hence, some factors are contributed to emerging crime excepting media exposure. This essay discussed that while violent images on television and in computer and video games might encourage people to commit the crime, other factors like unemployment and poverty can be effective to rise criminal offences. So, I partly agree with the impact of violent scenes on television and movies or video games.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
have always been looking for the roots of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would be able to mitigate the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
rate in society. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, it
is considered
that TV
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
content are to blame for this increasing trend. This essay will discuss that although exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
images can contribute to the rise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
into account
as well
.

There is no doubt that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can
be contributed
to the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
by sensitization.
Indeed
, these programs and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can operate, such as a stimulus to motivate the aggressive and offensive sense which
is existed
in everyone's subconscious.
For instance
, the result of a study indicates that students who spend long hours to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
movies or play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involving guns and killing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
more bullying behaviors
rather
than their peers. In consequence, exposure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Forasmuch
as criminality is a complex subject,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
elements linked to its rise. Economic issues play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the formation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
and social deviations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, and there is a significant relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
and violence in the country.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployment
is another influencing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factor
in the emergence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
. The findings suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
is at the root of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as it exacerbates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
, and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
.
Hence
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
are contributed
to emerging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
excepting media exposure.

This essay discussed that while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
images on television and in computer and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to commit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
factors
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poverty
can be effective to rise criminal
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the impact of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
scenes on television and movies or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS essay In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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