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In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. v. 2
Violence on TV, in social media and video games have been, in many countries, associated with a higher rate of crime. Passive absorption of violence conducted by others may be a trigger for some. However, the majority of our population stays immune to it and would never turn into a criminal. Everyone in our society is passively exposed to some violence. Not only to the violence we experience through the screen, but as well to the one we are daily witnessing on the street, work floor, school or even at home. There is no doubt that it has an impact on our perception of the world and on our thoughts. Nevertheless, people do not turn into a violent person just because they have seen something. It is proven that other factors, for example, alcohol and drug abuse, low socioeconomic status, are highly correlated with crime. On the other hand, people and especially children should be taught that violence in their video games and a real life are two separate things. Being educated at a young age about possible consequences of violent behavior is essential. It gives an individual a chance to think about their actions and prevents unfortunate situations. Furthermore, the parents can monitor and limit the TV and gaming time of their children. Fighting crimes and applying prevention measures should be prioritized. In general, people spend a lot of their free time on a computer, watching TV or gaming. However, the increasing trend of violent crimes cannot be blamed solely on exposition to violent images.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Violence
on TV, in social media and video games have been, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, associated with a higher rate of crime. Passive absorption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
conducted by others may be a trigger for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.
However
, the majority of our population stays immune to it and would never turn into a criminal.

Everyone in our society is
passively
exposed to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
we experience through the screen,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as well
to the one we are daily witnessing on the street, work floor, school or even at home. There is no doubt that it has an impact on our perception of the world and on our thoughts.
Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not turn into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
something. It
is proven
that other factors,
for example
, alcohol and drug abuse, low socioeconomic status, are
highly
correlated with crime.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
especially
children should
be taught
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
in their video games and a real life are two separate things.
Being educated
at a young age about possible consequences of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
behavior is essential. It gives an individual a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their actions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
unfortunate situations.
Furthermore
, the parents can monitor and limit the TV and gaming time of their children.

Fighting crimes and applying prevention measures should
be prioritized
.
In general
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their free time on a computer, watching TV or gaming.
However
, the increasing trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
crimes cannot
be blamed
solely
on exposition to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violent
images.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries, an increase in crime has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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