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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.6

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 6
With the globalization, there is a decreasing number of the cultures; additionally, people have forgotten the meaning behind the festivals. Some maintain that nowadays people have celebrated the festivals just to enjoy themselves but don't know the context behind it. I similarly believe this and my reasons are twofold. For those who assert that it is not forgotten, the most important point is that some festivals became more popular and also became a tourist attraction, which means that there will be more and more people know it. However, an increasing number of people participating in those festivals do not mean that they will try to understand and remember the meaning of the festivals. One example of this can be seen in the Dragon Festival. With technology development, it has taken the western countries by storm; nevertheless, most foreigners still do not know its origin and its importance for Chinese. Therefore, it is evident that the history of the minorities' tradition vanished gradually. First of all, it is an undeniable fact that some specific historical event has been famous due to the internet development; nonetheless, for those minorities, their history is forgotten gradually. One reason is assimilation. A case in point is that some can't help but forget their tradition and custom in order that it is easier to adapt themselves to a culture belonging to the majorities. Another reason why people forget it is that some languages are vanishing. It makes young adults alienate their tradition. For instance, in my country, there is a trend that it is difficult to communicate between the elder and the young adults because the elder only speaks dialect but the young adults can not. Therefore, it contributes to alienation. In conclusion, above reasons elucidate the phenomenon why people have forgetten the meaning behind the festivals.
With the globalization, there is a decreasing number of the cultures;
additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten the meaning behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
maintain that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have celebrated the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
to enjoy themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
don't know the context behind it. I
similarly
believe this and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
are twofold.

For those who assert that it is not forgotten, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
became more popular and
also
became a tourist attraction, which means that there will be more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
know it.
However
, an increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
participating in those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
do not mean that they will try to understand and remember the meaning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
. One example of this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the Dragon
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Festival
. With technology development, it has taken the western countries by storm;
nevertheless
, most foreigners
still
do not know its origin and its importance for Chinese.
Therefore
, it is evident that the history of the minorities' tradition vanished
gradually
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is an undeniable fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specific historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
due to the internet development; nonetheless, for those minorities, their history
is forgotten
gradually
. One
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is assimilation. A case in point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
can't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
forget their tradition and custom in order that it is easier to adapt themselves to a culture belonging to the majorities.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
forget it is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
languages are vanishing. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
young adults alienate their tradition.
For instance
, in my country, there is a trend that it is difficult to communicate between the elder and the young adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the elder
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
speaks dialect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the young adults can not.
Therefore
, it contributes to alienation.

In conclusion
, above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
elucidate the phenomenon why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
forgetten
the meaning behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals; during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 6

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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