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*we live in a world of technology theses days. Whole internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. * v.1

*we live in a world of technology theses days. Whole internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. * v. 1
In recent times, the awareness of technological advancements has increased tremendously. Although, this has been found to be advantageous, but some individuals think the issues of data checks and safety supersedes the advantages and I totally agree with this assertion. To start with, not being able to regulate the data on the net, could result in character deformation. To clarify, since almost everyone has access various websites, that is, both young and old, they browse different sites, of which the incidents of visiting pornographic sites are alarming. As a result, it has been found to be responsible for the high case of rape and illicit sexual acts which has engrossed the youths and elderly alike. For instance, the National Agency on Rape and other Sexually Related issues published that eighty percent of their suspects are cyber mongers. Therefore, uncontrolled information is indeed detrimental to the society. Another point to consider is the fact that cyber insecurity could lead to financial robbery. In other words, when people's facts are not secured, these fraudsters intrude into their accounts to get their details, then proceed to defraud them of their hard earned money. Other times, they pretend to be harmless friends on social media just to access information and perpetuate the evil deeds. For example, the Ministry of Finance in Nigeria announced that ninety percent of financial thefts are done online. Therefore, confirming the fact that net insecurity is a huge threat to the finances of citizens. Conclusively, despite the merits of surfing the internet, in my view, I totally agree that the demerits of deformity of behaviour and financial wrecks, undoubtedly override the merits thereof.
In recent times, the awareness of technological advancements has increased
tremendously
. Although, this has
been found
to be advantageous,
but
some
individuals
think
the issues of data
checks
and safety supersedes the advantages and I
totally
agree
with this assertion.

To
start
with, not being able to regulate the data on the net, could result in character deformation. To clarify, since almost everyone has access various websites,
that is
, both young and
old
, they browse
different
sites, of which the incidents of visiting pornographic sites are alarming.
As a result
, it has
been found
to be responsible for the high case of rape and illicit sexual acts which has engrossed the youths and elderly alike.
For instance
, the National Agency on Rape and other
Sexually
Related issues published that eighty percent of their suspects are cyber mongers.
Therefore
, uncontrolled information is
indeed
detrimental to the society.

Another point to consider is the fact that cyber insecurity could lead to financial robbery.
In other words
, when
people
's facts are not secured, these fraudsters intrude into their accounts to
get
their
details
, then proceed to defraud them of their
hard earned
money. Other times, they pretend to be harmless friends on social media
just
to access information and perpetuate the evil deeds.
For example
, the Ministry of Finance in Nigeria announced that ninety percent of financial thefts
are done
online.
Therefore
, confirming the fact that net insecurity is a huge threat to the finances of citizens.

Conclusively
, despite the merits of surfing the internet, in my view, I
totally
agree
that the demerits of deformity of
behaviour
and financial wrecks,
undoubtedly
override the merits thereof.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay *we live in a world of technology theses days. Whole internet brings with it clear advantages, the problems in terms of control and security of information outweighs the advantages. * v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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