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In many contries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this? How can it be solved? v.1

In many contries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this? How can it be solved? v. 1
Over the past few decades, the progression of diseases around the globe has drastically increased mainly because of unhealthy lifestyles. This essay will discuss the key reasons responsible for this problem and highlight ways to resolve such problems. To begin with, there are various reasons which have made human beings more prone to develop physical and mental health problems. Firstly, people now reside a sedentary lifestyle and have become more dependent on advanced technology. They prefer auto-mobiles or vehicles over walk; use lifts albeit of stairs due to which the physical activities of people have immensely decreased. Furthermore, due to the abundance of high density calorie food, the number of fast food consumers has boosted radically. Such food items are easily accessible and are very economical, this is the reason why people tend to eat more junk rather than healthy food. Primarily, these reasons accentuate that why cardiovascular diseases are rife. For instance, it was recently published in a local newspaper that in the UK, childhood obesity is rampant and has become a serious public concern. However, there are ways to curb such health related issues by creating awareness among people globally. This can be done by promoting physical activities like exercises, gym, swimming and more. Moreover, the government should hike the price of convenience food and lower the rates of fresh food and vegetables. Such an act of the government will motivate and draw the attention of individuals towards organic food. For instance, in Norway the higher authority discourages its citizens to use cars or motorbikes and appreciates them to use cycle. Hence, such ways can help to curtail unhealthy lifestyle. To sum up, an inactive person is prone to develop fatal diseases which can only be dealt by staying active physically.
Over the past few decades, the progression of diseases around the globe has
drastically
increased
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of unhealthy lifestyles. This essay will discuss the key
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
responsible for this problem and highlight ways to resolve such problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which have made human beings more prone to develop physical and mental health problems.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
reside a sedentary lifestyle and have become more dependent on advanced technology. They prefer auto-mobiles or vehicles over walk;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
lifts albeit of stairs due to which the physical activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
immensely
decreased.
Furthermore
, due to the abundance of high density calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumers has boosted
radically
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items are
easily
accessible and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
economical, this is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to eat more junk
rather
than healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Primarily
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
accentuate that why cardiovascular diseases are rife.
For instance
, it was recently published in a local newspaper that in the UK, childhood obesity is rampant and has become a serious public concern.

However
, there are ways to curb such health related issues by creating awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
globally. This can
be done
by promoting physical activities like exercises, gym, swimming and more.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should hike the price of convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and lower the rates of fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and vegetables. Such an act of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will motivate and draw the attention of individuals towards organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
For instance
, in Norway the higher authority discourages its citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cars or motorbikes and appreciates them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
cycle.
Hence
, such ways can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to curtail unhealthy lifestyle.

To sum up, an inactive person is prone to develop fatal diseases which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be dealt
by staying active
physically
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay In many contries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this? How can it be solved? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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