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In many cities more and more people are living alone. Why is this the case? . Is this a positive or negative development? v.2

In many cities more and more people are living alone. Why is this the case? . Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2
Living in seclusion is becoming popular among numerous people in many cities. In my opinion privacy and independence are the primary reasons for such a behavior. This essay will explain these reasons and would further discuss if this is a positive or a negative development. First and foremost there is a growing trend in our society especially in the metropolitan cities to have some privacy as it acts as a stress buster in the hectic work schedule. Some people come from offices hence they can use this private environment for leisure activities which could rejuvenate their bodies. A recent research concluded by workforce. inc in United Kingdom concluded that people want to have privacy at home as it provides them time for leisure activities which can help them in work stress management. Similarly people want independence rather than dependence on their families therefore people want to live separately. They believe that they can make their own decisions which can help in turn making them more successful in future. This trend is popular mostly amongst the juveniles as parents are not there to administer their activities of their children. A recent research conducted by young employment association found that more young people want to live alone as they want to not only to enjoy independence from their family but also help them in becoming more successful. To conclude it is evident that living alone is a positive development as it not only helps a person to perform well in their professional lives but also enables them in making decisions more accurately.
Living in seclusion is becoming popular among numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities. In my opinion privacy and independence are the primary reasons for such a behavior. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
these reasons and would
further
discuss if this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
or a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development.

First
and foremost there is a growing trend in our society
especially
in the metropolitan cities to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
privacy as it acts as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
buster in the hectic work schedule.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from offices
hence
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this private environment for leisure activities which could rejuvenate their bodies. A recent research concluded by workforce.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
inc
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the United Kingdom".
in United Kingdom
concluded that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to have privacy at home as it provides them time for leisure activities which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
management.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Similarly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
independence
rather
than dependence on their families
therefore
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
separately
. They believe that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
decisions which can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
in turn making them more successful
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
. This trend is popular
mostly
Do not mix variants of the same word ('amongst' and 'among') within a single text.
amongst
the juveniles as parents are not there to administer their activities of their children. A recent research conducted by young employment association found that more young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
alone as they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to enjoy independence from their family
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in becoming more successful.

To conclude
it is evident that living alone is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
a person to perform well in their professional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
enables them in making decisions more
accurately
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay In many cities more and more people are living alone. Why is this the case? . Is this a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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