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In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only.
Nowadays, the largest number of people from developed and rich countries are consuming their time in the least developing countries by doing some volunteer activities, for instance, teaching and building houses. In my opinion, it is a good job and it can bring many positive impacts on themselves and the local society as well. The majority of people spending their short time doing some unpaid works can gain happiness through their work. For instance, some native English teachers teaching language to primary and high school student in underdeveloped countries, many have no money for them, but the reward of helping people and doing the good job brings happiness. In other words, sharing is the way of caring our community and sharing makes us all happy. Furthermore, doing unpaid works in those poorer countries leads some benefits for those volunteers and the local society as well. They can explore the valuable experiences throughout their work and they can learn the practical works. Take for example a doctor doing volunteer work in tropical poverty-stricken countries can gain many experiences and medical knowledge concerned with tropical diseases. Finally, its advantages are not limited for only volunteers and it can also hit a huge impact on the local community. Sharing some useful and practical knowledge, for example, some vocational trainings to inhabitants in poorer countries are very effective way to promote their life. As a consequence, the rate of poverty can be reduced in that country. In conclusion, more and more people from wealthy countries are very willing to help residents in pooper countries for their happiness and upgrading the capacity of knowledge. Such a kind of doing good things can bring many fruitful impacts on not only for the young people, but also for the local society.
Nowadays, the largest number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from developed and rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are consuming their time in the least developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
activities,
for instance
, teaching and building
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job and it can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts on themselves and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
society
as well
.

The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending their short time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unpaid works can gain happiness through their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
native English teachers teaching language to primary and high school student in underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
have no money for them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the reward of helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job brings happiness.
In other words
, sharing is the way of caring our community and sharing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
us all happy.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
unpaid works in those poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
leads
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits for those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
society
as well
. They can explore the valuable experiences throughout their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they can learn the practical works. Take
for example
a doctor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in tropical poverty-stricken
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
experiences and medical knowledge concerned with tropical diseases.

Finally
, its advantages are not limited for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
volunteers
and it can
also
hit a huge impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community. Sharing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
useful and practical knowledge,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
vocational trainings to inhabitants in poorer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way to promote their life. As a consequence, the rate of poverty can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in that country.

In conclusion
, more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
willing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
residents in
Possible spelling mistake found.
pooper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for their happiness and upgrading the capacity of knowledge. Such a kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fruitful impacts on not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
society.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay In June 1996, an experimental flu vaccine was trialled in a large country town on females only.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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