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In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think is the main cause of this phenomenon? •Technological improvements•Changes to education systems•Improvements to our diets v.8

In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think is the main cause of this phenomenon? •Technological improvements•Changes to education systems•Improvements to our diets v. 8
Everything in this life-like a coin that has two different sides, people must weigh the pros and cons before jumping to the conclusions. Many individual may believe that the development of some technological devices could be the reason behind long living. Whereas, others could agree that some changes to education system or improvement of people diets habits may be the reasons of that phenomenon. In my humble opinion, I agree that technological improvement would be the most practical option for the following reasons. First and foremost, majority of people would agree with the notion that kinds of invention should be considered the most essential aspect of our lives all around the globe. Due to the fact that nowadays technology influences our lives in a direct and intangible way. Additionally, in this era many surveys claimed that the ratio of people who’s living at age of eighty increased by around sixty percentages because of interventional devices provided by hospitals which lead to live for too long. On top of this, people now live longer that our ancestors. According to the one of the important factors is the technological improvement; it could allow physicians to find out the diseased area before any diffusion to other organs. Moreover, surgeons are able to save people’s lives by doing many surgeries on a patient within short periods due to many differential diagnoses prior to surgeries which could be supported by technological devices. For instance, researchers looked at birth and death data for people above age 65. To illustrate more thoroughly, they found out that people expected to live about six years longer than their grandparents, on average. Additionally, to give a clear explanation about other factors, in my standpoint, I don’t agree that changing the education system could allow persons to live for long. Furthermore, people can study science besides math and still not ware enough about living healthy and longer. However, being on a healthy diet could change individual wellness. But, they still can’t live longer than people in years ago even if they are on a healthy diet. In summation, I strongly believe that in these couple of centuries people can live longer than others in the past due to technological development. According to plethora of technological devices which affect many patients and other healthy individuals in positively way, for facing the dilemma of quick death and short life span in many countries.
Everything in this life-like a coin that has two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sides,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
weigh the pros and cons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
jumping to the conclusions.
Possible agreement error. The noun may seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much individual may", "a good deal of individual may".
Many individual may
believe that the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
could be the reason behind long living. Whereas, others could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
to education system or improvement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
diets habits may be the reasons of that phenomenon. In my humble opinion, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
improvement would be the most practical option for the following reasons.

First
and foremost,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with the notion that kinds of invention should
be considered
the most essential aspect of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
all around the globe. Due to the fact that nowadays technology influences our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in a direct and intangible way.
Additionally
, in this era
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surveys claimed that the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who’s living at age of eighty increased by around sixty percentages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of interventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
provided by hospitals which lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for too long.

On top of this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
that our ancestors. According to the one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
improvement; it could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
physicians to find out the diseased area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
any diffusion to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
organs.
Moreover
, surgeons are able to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surgeries on a patient within short periods due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
differential diagnoses prior to surgeries which could
be supported
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
For instance
, researchers looked at birth and death data for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
above age 65. To illustrate more
thoroughly
, they found out that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
about six years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than their grandparents, on average.

Additionally
, to give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
explanation about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors, in my standpoint, I don’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
that changing the education system could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
persons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
for long.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can study science
besides
math and
still
not ware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
about living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
.
However
, being on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
individual wellness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, they
still
can’t
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in years ago even if they are on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
diet.

In summation, I
strongly
believe that in these couple of centuries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
than others in the past due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
development. According to plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
which affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
patients and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
individuals in
positively
way, for facing the dilemma of quick death and short life span in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
46Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think is the main cause of this phenomenon? •Technological improvements•Changes to education systems•Improvements to our diets v. 8

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
400 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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