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3. In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think is the main cause of this phenomenon? •Technological improvements•Changes to education systems•improvements to our diets v.2

3. In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think is the main cause of this phenomenon? •Technological improvements•Changes to education systems•improvements to our diets v. 2
These days most of the people live longer than ever before compared to the previous centuries because of many aspects. In my opinion, This an increase in average life span is caused by technological advancement. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. To begin with, Thanks to the modern scientific growth people tend to live more healthy because of highly educated doctors and many useful healthcare devices such as X-ray and ultrasound therapy for Alzheimer' s disease. These instruments are beneficial to identify what disorders and diseases suffer patients and how they resolve those problems effectively and immediately so in recent years the number of dead people has decreased rapidly. I have to admit that my opinion on this matter has been profoundly influenced by my grandfather’s experience. Three years ago, His health had degraded year by year and we didn’t know why he suffered a lot. Then we decided to meet a doctor and he diagnosed that having terminal cancer. We went to all reliable hospitals to ask to help him but no one gave a hand us because of my country’s poor condition of the economy couldn’t afford to purchase expensive tools to treat his ailment. We didn’t want to give up immediately and went to Korea which was our last hope. Fortunately, thanks to great technology my grandfather were saved. Secondly, Those improvements help to future doctors to acquire great knowledge and invaluable experience from laboratory works and real practice skill. In the past, doctors hadn’t any sufficient material to study hard and work in the laboratory, even more, it was limited to invent and study their new creative ideas which may help to treat and resist against some diseases for public well-being. Drawing from my mother’s experience, she is a great epidemiologist and one time she said that it was so difficult to undergo earlier years to become a good doctor or invent any new vaccination because of inadequate materials and poor economy of my country. However, Now we have plenty of opportunities to become a good doctor and aid others more. This example demonstrates how technological progression help individuals to live longer now. In conclusion, I strongly believe that people have prolonged longevity due to high-tech improvement in today world. This is because it creates many chances to produce any sophisticated tools to heal people and because it emerges many opportunities to become a dexterous doctor to our young generations.
These days most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
compared to the previous centuries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects. In my opinion, This an increase in average life span
is caused
by technological advancement. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Thanks to the modern scientific growth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
more healthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
highly
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful healthcare devices such as X-ray and ultrasound therapy for
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alzheimer&
#039; s disease. These instruments are beneficial to identify what disorders and diseases suffer patients and how they resolve those problems
effectively
and immediately
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in recent years the number of dead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has decreased
rapidly
. I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
admit that my opinion on this matter has been
profoundly
influenced by my grandfather’s experience. Three years ago, His health had degraded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
year and
we didn’t know why he suffered a lot. Then we decided to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
doctor and
he diagnosed that having terminal cancer. We went to all reliable hospitals to ask to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
no one gave a hand us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of my country’s poor condition of the economy couldn’t afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
expensive tools to treat his ailment. We didn’t want to give up immediately and went to Korea which was our last hope.
Fortunately
, thanks to great technology my grandfather
were saved
.

Secondly
, Those improvements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
to acquire great knowledge and invaluable experience from laboratory works and real practice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
. In the past,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
hadn’t any sufficient material to study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and work in the laboratory, even more, it
was limited
to invent and study their new creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
which may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to treat and resist against
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases for public well-being. Drawing from my mother’s experience, she is a great epidemiologist and one time she said that it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
difficult to undergo earlier years to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
or invent any new vaccination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of inadequate materials and poor economy of my country.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
we have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities to become a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
and aid others more. This example demonstrates how technological progression
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have prolonged longevity due to high-tech improvement in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
world. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chances to produce any sophisticated tools to heal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it emerges
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to become a dexterous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
to our young generations.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay 3. In general, people are living longer now. Which of the following do you think is the main cause of this phenomenon? •Technological improvements•Changes to education systems•improvements to our diets v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
413 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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