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Films and computer games containing violence are very popular now. Some people think that they have a negative effect on our society and should be banned. Other people say they are harmless relaxation. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Films and computer games containing violence are very popular now. Some people think that they have a negative effect on our society and should be banned. Other people say they are harmless relaxation. v. 1
The world that we live in today is dominated by advertising. Adverts are on television, on the World Wide Web, in the street and even on our mobile phones. However, many of the strategies used to sell a product or service can be considered immoral or unacceptable. To begin with, the fact that we cannot escape from advertising is a significant cause for complaint. Constant images and signs wherever we look can be very intrusive and irritating at times. Take, for example, advertising on the mobile phone. With the latest technology mobile companies are now able to send advertising messages via SMS to consumers' phones whenever they choose. Although we expect adverts in numerous situations, it now seems that there are very few places we can actually avoid them. A further aspect of advertising that I would consider unethical is the way that it encourages people to buy products they may not need or cannot afford. Children and young people in particular are influenced by adverts showing the latest toys, clothing or music and this can put enormous pressure on the parents to buy these products. In addition, the advertising of tobacco products and alcohol has long been a controversial issue, but cigarette adverts have only recently been banned in many countries. It is quite possible that alcohol adverts encourage excessive consumption and underage drinking, yet restrictions have not been placed on this type of advertising in the same way as smoking. It is certainly true to say that advertising is an everyday feature of our lives. Therefore, people are constantly being encouraged to buy products or services that might be too expensive, unnecessary or even unhealthy. In conclusion, many aspects of advertising do appear to be morally wrong and are not acceptable in today's society.
The world that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is dominated
by advertising. Adverts are on television, on the World Wide Web, in the street and even on our mobile phones.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the strategies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to sell a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
or service can
be considered
immoral or unacceptable.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the fact that we cannot escape from advertising is a significant cause for complaint. Constant images and signs wherever we look can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
intrusive and irritating at times. Take,
for example
, advertising on the mobile phone. With the latest technology mobile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
advertising messages via SMS to consumers' phones whenever they choose. Although we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
adverts in numerous situations, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
seems that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few places we can actually avoid them.

A
further
aspect of advertising that I would consider unethical is the way that it encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they may not need or cannot afford. Children and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in particular
are influenced
by adverts showing the latest toys, clothing or music and this can put enormous pressure on the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these products.

In addition
, the advertising of tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and alcohol has long been a controversial issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cigarette adverts have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recently
been banned
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. It is quite possible that alcohol adverts encourage excessive consumption and underage drinking,
yet
restrictions have not
been placed
on this type of advertising
in the same way
as smoking.

It is
certainly
true to say that advertising is an everyday feature of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
constantly
being encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or services that might be too expensive, unnecessary or even unhealthy.
In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of advertising do appear to be
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and are not acceptable in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The man who does not know other languages, unless he is a man of genius, necessarily has deficiencies in his ideas.
Victor Hugo

IELTS essay Films and computer games containing violence are very popular now. Some people think that they have a negative effect on our society and should be banned. Other people say they are harmless relaxation. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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