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In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v.3

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v. 3
Many people today are quite hard working in terms of studies and offices. Some follow the approach of putting lots of efforts to learn and achieve success to gain scholarships offered in schools and colleges and to excel in their career. Hard work never fails and it leads to a great success. Doing plethora of effective work to reach a specific goal is certainly an option for candidates and employees respectively. Students generally try to do their best to get good scores and indulge themselves in studies due to extreme competition these days. People could be fired from their jobs, if they do not do much to prove themselves. I have been in a position wherein if I had made enough efforts, then I could be at a good profile today. Therefore, To meet an objective, there is no shortcut other than hard work. People have been taught from elders that hard work always gives a fruitful result. One can achieve any kind of milestone in their life by just implementing a single rule of doing hard work, as much as possible. It actually helps to learn more precisely for students. The more an individual spends his time and efforts, he would be closer to success in career. Hence, hard work plays an important role to attain an objective. People these days are really so workaholic to meet success, be it a student or an employee. Thanks to this competitive world that helps to make a good tendency of hard work to enhance an individual's skill and talent. There is no replacement of hard work, it is one of the most useful qualities that make people unique and helps to meet a task.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are quite
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
in terms of studies and offices.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
follow the approach of putting lots of efforts to learn and achieve success to gain scholarships
The usual preposition for "offered" and "schools" is "at" not "in." Revise: "offered at schools".
offered in schools
and colleges and to excel in their career.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
never fails and it leads to a great success.

Doing plethora of effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to reach a specific goal is
certainly
an option for candidates and employees
respectively
. Students
generally
try to do their best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores and indulge themselves in studies due to extreme competition these days.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
could
be fired
from their jobs, if they do not do much to prove themselves. I have been in a position wherein if I had made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
efforts, then I could be at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
profile
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.
Therefore
, To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
an objective, there is no shortcut other than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
work.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
been taught
from elders that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
always gives a fruitful result. One can achieve any kind of milestone in their life by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
implementing a single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
of doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, as much as possible. It actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to learn more
precisely
for students. The more an individual spends his time and efforts, he would be closer to success in career.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role to attain an objective.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
these days are
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
workaholic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
success, be it a student or an employee. Thanks to this competitive world that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
tendency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to enhance an individual's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and talent.

There is no replacement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it is one of the most useful qualities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
unique and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
a task.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
283 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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