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In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v.1

In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v. 1
It is true that when it comes to studies and work, some individuals are more hardworking than others. This essay will explain that some people work harder than others because they want to improve their lifestyle and hard work can lead to a boost in exam scores and career prospects. To begin with, some people put in more efforts in their work because they want to improve their way of life. Individuals, who are born in middle and lower classes of society, often put in more efforts in their studies because they do not want to live in their current conditions anymore, whereas many rich people lack the same type of motivation because they are less ambitious. For example, a study by the Forbes Magazine revealed that 40% of self-made millionaires in the world stated that financial troubles were their main source of motivation to be successful. Working hard can to be a rewarding experience in the long run. If people work hard, they will be recognized for their efforts, and it would improve their results in exams and boost their job prospects. Consequently, these people would to be more successful in their careers than others. For example, a survey by the American Education council found that 30% of companies would hire people who are highly motivated to work than those who are not. In conclusion, some individuals work harder than others because they want to improve their living conditions and those who work hard would most likely be successful in their careers.
It is true that when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to studies and
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work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals are more hardworking than others. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can lead to a boost in exam scores and career prospects.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
put in more efforts in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their way of life. Individuals,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are born
in middle and lower classes of society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
put in more efforts in their studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
conditions anymore, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lack the same type of motivation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are less ambitious.
For example
, a study by the Forbes Magazine revealed that 40% of self-made millionaires in the world stated that financial troubles were their main source of motivation to be successful.

Working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
can to be a rewarding experience in the long run. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
, they will
be recognized
for their efforts, and it would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their results in exams and boost their job prospects.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would to be more successful in their careers than others.
For example
, a survey by the American Education council found that 30% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
would hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
highly
motivated to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder than others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their living conditions and those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
would most likely be successful in their careers.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay In education and employment, some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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