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In education and employment some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v.2

In education and employment some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v. 2
It is true that several people put extra effort into study and work than others. Generally speaking, people may have different reasons to work harder. I believe that some of us has no choice, but work and study harder. For example, if you come from a family which has no financial condition to pay your studies or even provide the basics, naturally as a human being you would try to find a job opportunity. In this case being employed would allow you to help your family and also pay your studies. Furthermore, if you start working hard at an early age, and then go to university your chances of succeeding are most probably higher. On the other hand working hard all the time and not having time for yourself is not a positive thing for our lives. Firstly, it is true that working hard can bring many good things into your life, such as increasing your knowledge, promotion opportunity, and high salary. However at the same time over working without any limit can create negative consequences in your life, together with health issues, affecting your wellbeing and stress level. Secondly, you may not have enough time to spend with your beloved ones, giving the impression that all that matters is your work and nothing else. In reality, it is very important to know how to manage time between our personal and professional life, not forgetting how important your health, peace of mind and your family is. Finally, employers tend to take advantage of their employees, knowing that they would do anything to keep their jobs, working extra hours, going out of their way doing anything that the job requires expecting for a promotion or a salary increase, but sometimes as a result you may get disappointed for all the dedication given. In conclusion, while some people work and study harder than others without a choice. As a matter of fact, it is important to keep balance between personal and professional life, setting up limits to not affect anyone around us as any other area of our lives.
It is true that several
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
put extra effort into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
than others.

Generally
speaking,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of us has no choice,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
harder.
For example
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from a family which has no financial condition to pay your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
or even provide the basics,
naturally
as a human being you would try to find a job opportunity.
In this case
being employed
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
you to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
your family and
also
pay your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
.
Furthermore
, if you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
at an early age, and then go to university your chances of succeeding are most
probably
higher.

On the other hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and not having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for yourself is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
thing for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Firstly
, it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things into your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, such as increasing your knowledge, promotion opportunity, and high salary.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
without any limit can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences in your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, together with health issues, affecting your
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level.
Secondly
, you may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with your beloved ones, giving the impression that all that matters is your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and nothing else. In reality, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
between our personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, not forgetting how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
your health, peace of mind and your family is.
Finally
, employers tend to take advantage of their employees, knowing that they would do anything to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
extra hours, going out of their way doing anything that the job requires expecting for a promotion or a salary increase,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
as a result
you may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disappointed for all the dedication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
harder than others without a choice.

As a matter of fact, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance between personal and professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, setting up limits to not affect anyone around us as any other area of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay In education and employment some people work harder than others. Why do some people work harder? Is it always a good thing to work hard? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
347 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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