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Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion. v.5

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 5
Undoubtedly luxurious life is the dream of every individual in modern era. It is widely held belief that everyone is running behind materialistic world. It has been observed that some people wish to earn more money instead of spending free time but there is a strong counter argument amongst sections of people that enjoying more free time rather than earning money is better. I will discuss both the views in upcoming paragraph. To commence with, there are certain group of people who earn more penny and spend less quality time with their loved ones. Financial stability is the main focus behind their work. They can spend a comfortable life. Quality education can be imparted to the kids. They can give top-notch health facilities to their near and dear ones. For instance, famous businessman, celebrities are financially capable of buying items without looking at the price tag. On the contrary, there are certain groups of people who vehemently contend that giving their valuable time to family, home and to themselves instead of running behind the money is more important. They are satisfied with what they have. The feelings they share with their loved ones are priceless. Giving time to themselves to make them healthy. Some people like to enhance their hobby in their free time. It makes them physically as well as mentally relax. They can inculcate good moral values in their kids by spending quality time with them. To conclude, after analysing both the views, I assert that spending time and earning money are good, but to some limit. Caring about your loved once and sharing your experience in free time is the need of an hour. They need financial as well as moral support to live a happy and healthy life.
Undoubtedly
luxurious life is the dream of every individual in modern era. It is
widely
held belief that everyone is running behind materialistic world. It has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wish to earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there is a strong counter argument amongst sections of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that enjoying more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rather
than earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is better. I will discuss both the views in upcoming paragraph.

To commence with, there are certain
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "groups"?
group
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who earn more penny and spend less quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones. Financial stability is the main focus behind their work. They can spend a comfortable life. Quality education can
be imparted
to the kids. They can give top-notch health facilities to their near and dear ones.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
businessman, celebrities are
financially
capable of buying items without looking at the price tag.

On the contrary
, there are certain groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
vehemently
contend that giving their valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to family, home and to themselves
instead
of running behind the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. They
are satisfied
with what they have. The feelings they share with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones are priceless. Giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to themselves to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them healthy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to enhance their hobby in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
physically
as well
as mentally relax. They can inculcate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moral values in their kids by spending quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them.

To conclude
, after
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
both the views, I assert that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and earning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
limit. Caring about your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
once and sharing your experience in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is the need of an hour. They need financial
as well
as moral support to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a happy and healthy life.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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