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In developing countries, children in rural communities have less access to education. Some people believe that the problem can be solved by providing more schools and teachers, while others think that the problem can be solved by providing computers and Internet access. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.9

It is obvious in the devloping countries that they are facing the problem of less connectivity for education in some area of their of their conutry especially in rural area. It is due to the transportation issue, less literacy and many more factors affect the education system in rural area. There are some believers their believes can useful to enhance this education system. Like providing schools and thachers, also by providing computer and internets system are the very useful ways to improve the education system. I personally believe that providing efficient school and techers which can solve this problem in rural areas. Some points are explained in this essay. Firstly, some group of people are believe that providing proper number of schools and appropriate techers are very helpful to improve the education system in rural areas in devloping countries. If each village is having a schools and proper number of teachers which will be benificial for the village public to educate their children more easily. Because in devloping countries schools are divided between the villages like one school between 2-3 villages. So, for villagers it is very difficult to educate their childrens as the schools are far away from their village. So, I personally believe that by sufficient numbers of schools and teachers these devloping countries improve connection between the rural people and education. Secondly, some peoples believe that by providing computers and internet countries can imporve the education access of rural children. As people thinking that now days revolution us towards internet and computers. By devloping these type of facilities devloping countries are improve their education system in rural areas. For example, computers are very pratucal device now days to improve knowledge by using internet. So, these facilities can properly devlope the education systmes for rural areas. But I belive that, it is true that computer and internet facilities are very helpful for education system but at one point I disagree with this, that before using this facilities it is very important for rural peoples that they are well known with these technologies. If they properly aware of these technologies then they can peoperly access it. So, before these facilities it is important to educate them about this. And for this, it is extremely important that numbers of schools and teachers are available to teach rural children about these technologies after that these technologies are super helpful for the rural education system to improve access of it with children. In conclusions, it is clear that peoples believes are very obvious that sufficient schools and teachers are helpful to improve access of education among the children and with that providing other facilities like computer and internet which will also helpful for the education system. All in all in devloping countries to improve access of children to education some improvements are very essential. After all education system can be a weapon to convert the devloping countries ro developed countries.
It is obvious in the
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devloping
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countries
that they are facing the problem of less connectivity for
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education
in
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some
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area
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only “of their”.
of their of their
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conutry
especially
in
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rural
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area
. It is due to the transportation issue, less literacy and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more factors affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
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system
in
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rural
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area
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believers their
Did you mean “beliefs” (noun) instead of believes (verb)?
believes
can useful to enhance this
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education
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system
. Like providing
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schools
and
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thachers
,
also
by providing computer and
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internets
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system
are the
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very
useful ways to
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improve
the
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education
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system
. I
personally
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believe
that providing efficient
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school
and
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techers
which can solve this problem in
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rural
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areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
points are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in this essay.

Firstly
,
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some
group of
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people
are
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believe
that providing proper
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number
of
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schools
and appropriate
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techers
are
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very
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helpful
to
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improve
the
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education
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system
in
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rural
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areas
in
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devloping
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countries
. If each
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village
is having a
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schools
and proper
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number
of
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teachers
which will be
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benificial
for the
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village
public to educate their
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children
more
easily
.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
in
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devloping
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countries
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schools
are divided
between the
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villages
like one
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school
between 2-3
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villages
.
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So
, for villagers it is
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very
difficult to educate their
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childrens
as the
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schools
are far away from their
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village
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
personally
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believe
that by sufficient
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numbers
of
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schools
and
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teachers
these
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devloping
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countries
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improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
the
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rural
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people
and education.

Secondly
,
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some
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peoples
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believe
that by providing computers and internet
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countries
can
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imporve
the
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education
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access
of
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rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As
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people
thinking that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
days revolution us towards internet and computers. By
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devloping
these type of facilities
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devloping
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countries
are
Consider using either the past participle “improved” or the present participle “improving” here.
improve
their
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education
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system
in
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rural
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areas
.
For example
, computers are
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very
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pratucal
device
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
days to
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improve
knowledge by using internet.
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So
, these facilities can
properly
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devlope
the
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education
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systmes
for
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rural
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areas
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Did you mean “I believe”?
I belive
that, it is true that computer and internet facilities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
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helpful
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at one point I disagree with this, that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
using
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘facilities’. Did you mean “these”?
this
facilities it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
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rural
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peoples
that they are well known with these
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technologies
. If they
properly
aware of these
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technologies
then they can
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peoperly
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access
it.
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So
,
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before
these facilities it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to educate them about this. And for this, it is
extremely
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important
that
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numbers
of
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schools
and
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teachers
are available to teach
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rural
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children
about these
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technologies
after that these
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technologies
are super
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helpful
for the
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rural
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education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
of it with children.

In conclusions, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
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peoples
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believes
are
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very
obvious that sufficient
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schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
are
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helpful
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and with that providing other facilities like computer and internet which will
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helpful
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
.
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only “All in”.
All in all in
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devloping
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countries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
improvements are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
all
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education
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system
can be a weapon to convert the
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devloping
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countries
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ro
developed
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countries
.
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IELTS essay In devloping countries, rural children have less access to education. Some people say that the problem can be resolved by providing schools and teachers. Other says that computers and internet should be provided.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
488 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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