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Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. Do you agree or disagree? v.11

Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. v. 11
Scientific investigation plays an important role in the development of humanity. Some people think that technical studies should be conducted and managed by the government instead of private associations. I believe that both governments and confidential businesses should have the right and duty to do exploration. It cannot be deniable that the ministry plays the leading role in carrying out studies because of several reasons. Firstly, all scientific researchers need the money and the politics are capable of giving economic assistance to them. Moreover, if the project fails to achieve its best result, the ministry will have the reserves to cope with the losses. Secondly, the union tends to pay more attention to research areas that can benefit society more than seek profit. For instance, studies about renewable energies are very important to deal with global warming. Thirdly, some researchers are very dangerous like nuclear power or weapon so they must be supervised by governmental organizations to protect the country’s security. On the other hand, I think that private companies should also share accountability to manage scientific probe. As can be seen that this could help to reduce the pressure on the budget of the authority. For example, citizens have to pay lower imposts, and the authorities also have more cash to spend on other imperative areas such as education or the army. Furthermore, many useful scientific discoveries have been made by private institutions. The invention of the iPhone by Apple, an establishment in the USA that has opened the era of smartphones and facilitated interaction among people all over the world nowadays, is a great example. However, since the top priority of business is to earn money, they would have more inspiration to conduct inquiry more and more quickly. In conclusion, both administrations and private sectors should have their responsibility for doing and monitoring scientific investigation in a good way.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Scientific
investigation plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the development of humanity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that technical studies should
be conducted
and managed by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
associations. I believe that both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and confidential businesses should have the right and duty to do exploration.

It cannot be deniable that the ministry plays the leading role in carrying out studies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of several reasons.
Firstly
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
researchers need the money and the politics are capable of giving economic assistance to them.
Moreover
, if the project fails to achieve its best result, the ministry will have the reserves to cope with the losses.
Secondly
, the union tends to pay more attention to research areas that can benefit society more than seek profit.
For instance
, studies about renewable energies are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to deal with global warming.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
researchers are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
like nuclear power or weapon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be supervised
by governmental organizations to protect the country’s security.

On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
should
also
share accountability to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
probe.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that this could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the pressure on the budget of the authority.
For example
, citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay lower imposts, and the authorities
also
have more cash to spend on other imperative areas such as education or the army.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
discoveries have
been made
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
institutions. The invention of the iPhone by Apple, an establishment in the USA that has opened the era of smartphones and facilitated interaction among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
all over the world nowadays, is a great example.
However
, since the top priority of business is to earn money, they would have more inspiration to conduct inquiry more and more
quickly
.

In conclusion
, both administrations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
private
sectors should have their responsibility for doing and monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientific
investigation in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Scientific research should be carried out and controlled by the governments rather than private companies. v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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