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NOW A DAYS MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE HOLD THE IMPORTANT POSITIONS IN THE GOVERNMENT. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS NOT SUITABLE. DISCUSS BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OPINION. v.1

NOW A DAYS MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE HOLD THE IMPORTANT POSITIONS IN THE GOVERNMENT. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS NOT SUITABLE. v. 1
At present, in most of the countries, young people are serving at important public designations. A group of people is of the opinion that it is better for the country. On the other hand, it is believed that this should not happen. In my opinion, it is crucial to appoint young people at public offices for the betterment of the society. Nowadays, there is a continuous advancement in technology. This means the government need employees, which are capable of adapting and understanding the modern ways. For instance, it is difficult for a person to perform his/her duties if he/she is computer illiterate. Furthermore, young people are more energetic and possess advanced skills, consequently completing the tasks efficiently and effectively. For example, a person is more likely to accomplish the assigned tasks if one has the capability and the skills required for the specific task. In contrast, people graduating from universities and despite of possessing all the modern skills, still lack experience. Most of the people believe that government offices should be held by people having experience in specific fields. To illustrate, a person completing an education in finance is unable to perform effectively, if he/she has no prior experience of working in the finance department. Moreover, it is considered that, there is a specific technique of working in public offices. This means, only an experienced person may know how to perform accordingly. To conclude, nowadays, it is of utmost importance that government offices should adapt according to the modern technology. To do so, young people should be encouraged to hold positions for effective governance.
At present, in most of the countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are serving at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
public designations. A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is of the opinion that it is better for the country.
On the other hand
, it
is believed
that this should not happen. In my opinion, it is crucial to appoint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
for the betterment of the society.

Nowadays, there is a continuous advancement in technology. This means the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need employees, which are capable of adapting and understanding the modern ways.
For instance
, it is difficult for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to perform his/her duties if he/she is computer illiterate.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more energetic and possess advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
consequently
completing the tasks
efficiently
and
effectively
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
is more likely to accomplish the assigned tasks if one has the capability and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
required for the specific task.

In contrast
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
graduating from universities and
Did you mean "despite" (or, alternatively, 'in spite of')?
despite of
possessing all the modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
still
lack experience. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
should
be held
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
having experience in specific fields. To illustrate, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
completing an education in finance is unable to perform
effectively
, if he/she has no prior experience of working in the finance department.
Moreover
, it
is considered
that, there is a specific technique of working in public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
. This means,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
an experienced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
may know how to perform
accordingly
.

To conclude
, nowadays, it is of utmost importance that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offices
should adapt according to the modern technology. To do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to hold positions for effective governance.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay NOW A DAYS MORE AND MORE YOUNG PEOPLE HOLD THE IMPORTANT POSITIONS IN THE GOVERNMENT. SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT THIS IS A GOOD THING WHILE OTHERS ARGUE THAT IT IS NOT SUITABLE. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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