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1) Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

1) Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 2
As time goes by, the importance of being educated increases, which requires all people to get a university education. However, most of the people are unable to enter the university, even those who have enough money sometimes face another sort of difficulties. I completely agree with this statement due to many different reasons. The accessibility into university is becoming more and more difficult due to some reasons. First of all, the fees of the universities are increasing rapidly, causing a lot of obstacles for those who do not have enough money. In addition, some rich people think that it is a waste if they spent most of their money for education only when they have the ability to spend it in more interesting things like travelling or establishing companies. Hence, the number of people who have given up entering college due to this reason has increased. The second main reason is the amount of requirements which are needed to enter the college, which is something difficult for both poor and rich people. Because universities no longer depend only on the high school certificate, student started to give up their dreams because they need to work too hard in order to achieve all the requirements in addition to getting high average in the high school. For example, most of the colleges currently require the student to get high marks in IELTS and ACT in addition to their school exams, also, they only allocate school seats for citizens, while others have to submit many documents to be accepted. Thus, poor and rich student has started to avoid universities that ask for too much requirements. In conclusion, although some people think that rich persons have the ability to enter the school easily, I believe that it is hard for both poor and rich due to the high fees and the number of requirements they need. So it is something important to make it easier for the student to educate in order to line up with the new developments.
As time goes by, the importance of
being educated
increases, which requires all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
education.
However
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are unable to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
, even those who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
face another sort of difficulties. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.

The accessibility into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
is becoming more and more difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the fees of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
are increasing
rapidly
, causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
obstacles for those who do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
money.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is a waste if they spent most of their money for education
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they have the ability to spend it in more interesting things like travelling or establishing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
Hence
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
up entering college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this reason has increased.

The second main reason is the amount of requirements which
are needed
to enter the college, which is something difficult for both poor and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
no longer depend
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
certificate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to give up their dreams
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they need to work too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in order to achieve all the requirements
in addition
to getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
average in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
For example
, most of the colleges
currently
require the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
marks in IELTS and ACT
in addition
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
exams,
also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
allocate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
seats for citizens, while others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
submit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
documents to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
.
Thus
, poor and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to avoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
too
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
requirements.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
persons have the ability to enter the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
easily
, I believe that it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for both poor and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
fees and the number of requirements they need.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
to educate in order to line up with the new developments.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay 1) Both the poor and the rich find the accessibility into university difficult. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
335 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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