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some people say that smartphones anh the internet are the reasons for breaking communication among family members. what's your opinion v.1

some people say that smartphones anh the internet are the reasons for breaking communication among family members. what's your opinion v. 1
In today's world, television is ever increasing. It is one of the most important things in human life. Some people believe that video has demolished communication among friends and family. In my opinion, however, the opposite is true. Television can increase conversation in the interest of the following reasons. Television programs give us things to think and talk about. These days it is possible to hear news every time we turn on the audio. We hear about things happening all around the earth. Everybody has opinions about these things and everybody wants to discuss their opinions with other people. So, TV news and information programs encourage us to discuss our ideas with our friends and family. Now people in every part of the nature have access to the same TV programs. When you go to a new city to work, study, or take a vacation, you will already have something in common with the people there. When you meet new people, you will be familiar with at least some of the same TV programs. This gives you something to talk about. Most people use TV as a way of entertainment. People who play sports usually like to watch sports on TV. People who like to cook, watch cooking shows. If your friends and family watch some of the same programs as you watch, they can learn more about things that interest you. This is a form of delivery that helps people to create mutual understanding among them. In conclusion, these types of contact technology have brought people from all over the world closer together.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, television is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ever increasing
. It is one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things in human life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that video has demolished communication among friends and family. In my opinion,
however
, the opposite is true. Television can increase conversation in the interest of the following reasons.

Television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
give us things to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
and talk about. These days it is possible to hear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
every time we turn on the audio. We hear about things happening all around the earth. Everybody has opinions about these things and everybody wants to discuss their opinions with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and information
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
encourage us to discuss our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with our friends and family.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every part of the nature have access to the same TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. When you go to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
city to work, study, or take a vacation, you will already have something in common with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there. When you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, you will be familiar with at least
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
same TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. This gives you something to talk about.

Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
TV as a way of entertainment.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who play sports
usually
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
sports on TV.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who like to cook,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. If your friends and family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
as you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
, they can learn more about things that interest you. This is a form of delivery that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to create mutual understanding among them.

In conclusion
, these types of contact technology have brought
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all over the world closer together.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay some people say that smartphones anh the internet are the reasons for breaking communication among family members. what's your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
264 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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