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Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v.11

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 11
Humans commit crimes all around the world and it is becoming one of the top topics which are sparking a heated debate. As time passes by, the number of crimes that are recorded rises. This essay will discuss the reasons for this phenomenon and seek for solutions to stop it. To find out about the causes of crime, we have to look back in history and survey different time periods. Whereas most people were farmers and ranchers about 200 years ago, most of them were equal in financial aspects so no one was better than another. When the industrial revolution occurred, careers began to be more specific and individuals started to compete to get a better job and earn more money. Since then, there was a gap between poor and rich which caused poor ones to feel angry and out of control. They had nothing to lose and they attacked rich people in every chance they had to provide food for their families and feed them. However, in today's world, most of the crimes are the result of poverty and fury. After all, it is all about money and quality of life. In order to prevent such incidents, people should try to be friendlier and more sympathetic to their own kind. They should not ignore the weak ones because they do not have money or poor. In addition to people, governments should support flagging people and try to educate and train them to give them the opportunity to grow and stand on their own feet instead of giving free money to them. Every year, criminal activities are increasing at a rapid pace. This essay argued about the motives of this act and explained some of the actions which can be held to stop or reduce them.
Humans commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
all around the world and it is becoming one of the top topics which are sparking a heated debate. As time passes by, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that
are recorded
rises. This essay will discuss the reasons for this phenomenon and seek for solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
it.

To find out about the causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look back in history and survey
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
time periods. Whereas most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were farmers and ranchers about 200 years ago, most of them were equal in financial aspects
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
no one was better than another. When the industrial revolution occurred, careers began to be more specific and individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to compete to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better job and earn more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. Since then, there was a gap between poor and rich which caused poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
to feel angry and out of control. They had nothing to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lose and
they attacked rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in every chance they had to provide food for their families and feed them.
However
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are the result of poverty and fury.
After all
, it is all about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and quality of life.

In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
such incidents,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to be friendlier and more sympathetic to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
kind. They should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the weak
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
or poor.
In addition
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should support flagging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and try to educate and train them to give them the opportunity to grow and stand on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
feet
instead
of giving free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to them.

Every year, criminal activities are increasing at a rapid pace. This essay argued about the motives of this act and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
actions which can
be held
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
them.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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