Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. v. 3
These days, many people argue that in countries with the high unemployment rates, primary school students who are deemed as unemployable in the future should not be offered secondary education. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this point of view for several reasons. First of all, it is undeniable that the prediction of upturns and downturns of job market is difficult. At one period there may be a demand for workers in many sectors of a country’s economy. Therefore, education system needs to prepare large numbers of students up to and beyond secondary school level to meet the needs of employers. For example, while technology is replacing many traditional jobs in such areas as agriculture and transport, it is also creating a variety of job opportunities in other sectors. As a result, it is impossible to say how many highly-educated young people will be required for the nation’s workforce. In addition, secondary education plays a significant role in building soft skills for young people. For instance, at secondary school level, students are required to work on group assignments or presentations, which they need to coordinate ideas and manage team. This, consequently, would help them get insights to team spirits and develop collaboration and communication skills. In this way, students who are considered as no hope of finding a job when at primary school can have better chances of getting employed. In conclusion, for all reasons mentioned above, I wholly disagree with the view that it is unnecessary for government to offer secondary education for primary school pupils who will not have good prospects to find a job in the future.
These days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that in countries with the high unemployment rates, primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are deemed
as unemployable in the future should not
be offered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. From my perspective, I completely disagree with this point of view for several reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is undeniable that the prediction of upturns and downturns of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market is difficult. At one period there may be a demand for workers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
sectors of a country’s economy.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system needs to prepare large numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
up to and beyond
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of employers.
For example
, while technology is replacing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in such areas as agriculture and transport, it is
also
creating a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in other sectors.
As a result
, it is impossible to say how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
highly
-educated young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
be required
for the nation’s workforce.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
plays a significant role in building soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For instance
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
level,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are required
to work on group assignments or presentations, which they need to coordinate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and manage team. This,
consequently
, would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
insights to team spirits and develop collaboration and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. In this way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
are considered
as no hope of finding a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
when at primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can have better chances of getting employed.

In conclusion
, for all reasons mentioned above, I wholly disagree with the view that it is unnecessary for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
for primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils who will not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
prospects to find a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
in the future.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In countries where there is high unemployment, most pupils should be offered only primary education. There is no point in offering secondary education to those who will have no hope of finding a job. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts