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In countries the average weight of people are increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v.2

In countries the average weight of people are increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 2
It is said that health is wealth and without good health condition a person cannot enjoy their life. Health is often related to one’s weight and fitness levels since excess fat in body is linked to various disease according to numerous medical studies. Generally speaking people in some countries might be fit overall; however on the other hand, the average weight of people are rising at an alarming rate which is the issue of great concern. On this note this essay will first discuss some of the main causes of increasing weight of people and then it will talk about measure that could be taken to tackle this problem. To begin with, one of the primary reason for the increase in obesity among people and their indolent behavior is the advancement in technology. Although technology has made our lives easier and more efficient; on the negative side, it has changed our lifestyle and replaced many of our physical activities with lazier ones. For example, in previously times children used to spend their leisure time playing sports and indulge in other outdoor physical activities, but now most of the people spend their free time playing video games or surfing the internet. Another factor to blame for soaring average weight is the change in diet of people. According to one survey, due to rapid pace of life people are becoming more and more reliant on fast food and processed food to satisfy their appetites which contain high proportion of oil and artificial fats that are not only high caloric but are also deleterious to our health. Looking at the problems associated with fat and deteriorating health of the people it is crucial that steps should be taken to encourage health lifestyle among people. Schools and workplace should build gymnasiums and encourage student and employees to participate in physical exercises. Also, government should take actions that improve the general health of people, for instance it should devise policies that discourage the selling of fast food and processed food by imposing high taxes on such items and using the collected tax on country’s health resources. Furthermore, government should do awareness campaign among the citizen and built infrastructure resources for city’s resident such as jogging track and sports ground where they can perform physical activities. To summarize, owing to various factors the average weight of people has increased considerably in recent years and the soon we realize the negative consequences of it and take step to hinder them the better it would be for us and our future generations to come.
It
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth and without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
condition a person cannot enjoy their life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
related to one’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and fitness levels since excess
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in body
is linked
to various disease according to numerous medical studies.
Generally
speaking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries might
be fit
overall
;
however
on the other hand
, the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are rising at an alarming rate which is the issue of great concern. On this note this essay will
first
discuss
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
main causes of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and then it will talk about measure that could
be taken
to tackle this problem.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one of the primary reason for the increase in obesity among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and their indolent behavior is the advancement in technology. Although technology has made our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier and more efficient; on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side, it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
our lifestyle and replaced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities with lazier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For example
, in previously times children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their leisure time playing sports and indulge in other outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spend their free time playing video games or surfing the internet. Another factor to blame for soaring average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in diet of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. According to one survey, due to rapid pace of life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are becoming more and more reliant on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to satisfy their appetites which contain high proportion of oil and artificial fats that are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
high caloric
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
are
also
deleterious to our health.

Looking at the problems associated with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
and deteriorating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
it is crucial that steps should
be taken
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
lifestyle among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Schools and workplace should build gymnasiums and encourage student and employees to participate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises.
Also
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take actions that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the general
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
for instance
it should devise policies that discourage the selling of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and processed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by imposing high taxes on such items and using the collected tax on country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
resources.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should do awareness campaign among the citizen and built infrastructure resources for city’s resident such as jogging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
and sports ground where they can perform
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities.

To summarize
, owing to various factors the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has increased
considerably
in recent years and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
we realize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of it and take step to hinder them the better it would be for us and our future generations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay In countries the average weight of people are increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
426 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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