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In companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company and not to somebody outside the company or new hiring Do you agree or disagree with this view v.2

In companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company and not to somebody outside the company or new hiring with this view v. 2
It is irrefutable fact that every employee craves for more vacations. Workers ought to be given one-month break from work per annum, which will motivate them to perform better at the workplace. I absolutely agree with this above statement, and this essay will support my view. The main reason is working personnel feels that they could take time off from work, to get away from the daily schedule for weeks. This is because it ensures them to plan a long vacation, only when they have good numbers of holidays in their hands. So, it not only develops the sense of happiness but also encourage them to work harder. For example, the psychology department of Cambridge university survey revealed that, 60 percent of employees around the world perform well, who one month off policy in their working contracts. Also, the mindset peace gives them freedom to enjoy a long vacation whenever they want so this will indirectly have a profoundly influential on their work. Another significant reason is, it allows them to take breaks in times of severe illness. If employees have this type of easy holiday policy, they will in return cop up with their work with much impeccable way. Although many companies have empathy with their workers in such times, but they are still employers who do not cooperate in hard times. For instance, In developing countries, many companies do not offer weeks of holiday, so if any staff member is severely ill he or she is forced to leave their job. Therefore, due to this company has to bear brain drain, and it also has a detrimental effect on other staff members, which results in poor performance from others. However, if workers are given a long break for their bad health rather than pressuring them to work, it will create a peaceful work environment for everyone. In conclusion, employees who seek for better job expects to have a good vacation policy In order to work more peacefully and with more enthusiasm. In my opinion, I strongly believe that employers are responsible to give better aspects to their staff in terms of vacation, which will surely reflect on their devotion towards work.
It is irrefutable fact that every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
craves for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacations
. Workers ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
one-month break from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
per annum, which will motivate them to perform better at the workplace. I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this above statement, and this essay will support my view.

The main reason is working personnel feels that they could take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
away from the daily schedule for weeks. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it ensures them to plan a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
numbers of holidays in their hands.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
develops the sense of happiness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder.
For example
, the psychology department of Cambridge university survey revealed that, 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
around the world perform well, who one month off policy in their working contracts.
Also
, the mindset peace gives them freedom to enjoy a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
whenever they want
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this will
indirectly
have a
profoundly
influential on their work.

Another significant reason is, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to take breaks in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
of severe illness. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have this type of easy holiday policy, they will in return cop up with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with much impeccable way. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have empathy with their workers in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
still
employers who do not cooperate in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
.
For instance
, In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
do not offer weeks of holiday,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if any staff member is
severely
ill he or she
is forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job.
Therefore
, due to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
bear brain drain, and it
also
has a detrimental effect on other staff members, which results in poor performance from others.
However
, if workers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a long break for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
health
rather
than pressuring them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, it will create a peaceful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
environment for everyone.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who seek for better job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expects
to have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
policy In order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
peacefully
and with more enthusiasm. In my opinion, I
strongly
believe that employers are responsible to give better aspects to their staff in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vacation
, which will
surely
reflect on their devotion towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In companies promotions to high positions should be given to employees inside the company and not to somebody outside the company or new hiring with this view v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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