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In many countries around the world, plastic shopping bags are the main type of rubbish. They cause water pollution and land pollution, so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

In many countries around the world, plastic shopping bags are the main type of rubbish. They cause water pollution and land pollution, so they should be banned. v. 1
No one can deny that schools influence in the personality of the pupils, one of the bright ideas is that, teachers can train students to be a wonderful father or mother. In my opinion, this is a very fantastic idea and really it is out the box. Firstly, persons from childhood to adolescence spend much time at schools than at home, so learning them something different than the academic curriculum will be attractive to them. Being a parent is not a simple thing, that's why it is important to know the how to grow up a child and to deal with him/her in different situations, this skill is well known to teachers, because it is the core of their job. For example, tutors can deal with a crying child effectively, know the reason of crying and also, solve the problem of him/her. In addition, this skill can be transferred to the student. So, why the government does not apply this as a social activity in schools? . Moreover, the community needs a highly skilful parent who have some characteristics to be a role model to the children. Being a father or a mother, you have to flexible in treating a special problem for a child, but more assertive with the youths because it is a dangerous stage and they may harm themselves. For instant, if parents discover that their teenage son addicted alcohol, they must treat him immediately. Because, he may suffer from liver problems in the future. To summarize, to be a parent is not only a talent, but it is a skill and can be learned, particularly in schools where the students spend most of their time.
No one can deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
influence in the personality of the pupils, one of the bright
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
is that, teachers can train students to be a wonderful father or mother. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fantastic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and
really
it is out the box.

Firstly
, persons from childhood to adolescence spend much time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
than at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
learning them something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Did you mean 'different "from"? 'Different than' is often considered colloquial style.
than
the academic curriculum will be attractive to them. Being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is not a simple thing, that's why it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to know
Did you mean "how"?
the how
to grow up a child and to deal with him/her in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
situations, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is well known to teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the core of their job.
For example
, tutors can deal with a crying child
effectively
, know the reason of crying and
also
, solve the problem of him/her.
In addition
, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
can
be transferred
to the student.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, why the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not apply this as a social activity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
?
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


Moreover
, the community needs a
highly
Possible spelling mistake. 'skilful' is British English.
skilful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
characteristics to be a role model to the children. Being a father or a mother, you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
flexible in treating a special problem for a child,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
more assertive with the youths
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
stage and
they may harm themselves. For instant, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
discover that their teenage son addicted alcohol, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
treat him immediately.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
, he may suffer from liver problems in the future.

To summarize
, to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a talent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and can
be learned
,
particularly
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
where the students spend most of their time.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In many countries around the world, plastic shopping bags are the main type of rubbish. They cause water pollution and land pollution, so they should be banned. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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