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Completing university education is thought by some to be the best job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

Nowadays there are two perspectives about obtain a job. First by finishing a tertiary education, while others take the view that learning by doing is a better way. In my opinion, it is better to adding some experience with evolving a number of soft skills. To begin with, I’d like to outline the advantages of completing post-secondary education. The most compelling reason for holding this statement is that people can get a job more easily if they have a degree on university, due to the fact that numerous companies prefer to hire an employee with a higher education. Based on my experience, my father who has a company said that in some division to eliminate the prospective workers faster is by looking into their last formal education. Consequently, this way may provide a fast track for them. Furthermore, in their undergraduate study, student also can develop their hard skill that will help them in their future job. For example, student who takes a major in civil engineering will know the standard and formulas to calculate and build from vacant land to be a building. As a result, they can be either a consultant or a contractor. On the other hand, there are also certain benefits for them who are collecting some experience to fulfill their portfolio. The primary advantage is that they are learning directly from one project to another project, thus will make them used to be work in company and alleviate some problem in the field. For instance, owing to the fact that they have experience previously, they will know how to face and tackle a bad situation in the field. In addition, they can learn to handle a big project, since they had involved lots of small projects. Based on their experience, they can know how to manage a team to achieve the targets. Therefore, this is something people do not have if they just focus on their university education. Moreover, when they have abundance modal, experience, and also link they can ruin their own company even they are in a young age which is faster than people who just study from their lecturer. In my conclusion, while both views have advantages, but I believe people who have much experience will getting job more easily. However, whatever the way, the most important things is when people have a good attitude in every place and condition.
Nowadays there are two
The usual preposition for “perspectives” is “on”, not “about”.
perspectives about
obtain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
First
by finishing a tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
, while others take the view that learning by doing is a better way. In my opinion, it is better to adding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
with evolving a number of soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I’d like to outline the advantages of completing post-secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. The most compelling reason for holding this statement is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more
easily
if they have a degree on university, due to the fact that numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
prefer to hire an employee with a higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Based on my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, my father
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
said that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
division to eliminate the prospective workers faster is by looking into their last formal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Consequently
, this way may provide a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
for them.
Furthermore
, in their undergraduate study, student
also
can develop their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
For example
, student
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
takes a major in civil engineering will know the standard and formulas to calculate and build from vacant land to be a building.
As a result
, they can be either a consultant or a contractor.

On the other hand
, there are
also
certain benefits for them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are collecting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
to fulfill their portfolio. The primary advantage is that they are learning
directly
from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
,
thus
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to be work in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
and alleviate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problem in the field.
For instance
, owing to the fact that they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
previously, they will know how to face and tackle a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situation in the field.
In addition
, they can learn to handle a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
project
, since they had involved lots of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
. Based on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, they can know how to manage a team to achieve the targets.
Therefore
, this is something
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have if they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focus on their university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Moreover
, when they have abundance modal,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
, and
also
link they can ruin their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
even they are in a young age which is faster than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
study from their lecturer.

In my conclusion, while both views have advantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
will
The modal verb ‘will’ requires the verb’s base form.
getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
more
easily
.
However
, whatever the way, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things is when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
attitude in every place and condition.
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IELTS essay Completing university education is thought be some to be the best way of getting a job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
398 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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