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In cities many people are living alone. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative trend? v.2

In cities many people are living alone. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative trend? v. 2
It has been observed that many individuals in the metropolitan cities live alone. Mainly these people are migrated from rural areas for their development and to find better opportunities. Which force them to survive alone in big cities without their families. In my opinion, this trend is leading a negative impact for the humankind. People in metro cities are often living alone and spend most of their life in their businesses or jobs to collect money as much as possible for their family. These people are mostly from rural areas and travel thousands of miles to find better opportunities away from their family and relatives. Furthermore to support their family in an economical way. Although some of them get too addicted towards money and never return to home. Moreover, the relationship with family members is most affected in their life. Staying away from their family and alone in the crowded cities can have an adverse effect sometimes to their brains and memories which results in the psychological effect. Because of these impact more suicidal and, isolation cases are observed in cities. In conclusion, living alone in the crowded cities can help you financially but the social life of an individual is completely destroyed. People are money oriented nowadays, with this attitude to people will end up with psychologically hampered society. In the near future, the impact on family bonding will be the most.
It has
been observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals in the metropolitan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
.
Mainly
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are migrated
from rural areas for their development and to find better opportunities.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
force them to survive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
without their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. In my opinion, this trend is leading a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact for the humankind.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in metro
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
and spend most of their life in their businesses or jobs to collect money as much as possible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
mostly
from rural areas and travel thousands of miles to find better opportunities away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and relatives.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
to support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Consider replacing "in an economical way" with the adverb for "economical"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an economical way
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
too addicted towards money and never return to home.

Moreover
, the relationship with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members is most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
in their life. Staying away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in the crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can have an adverse effect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to their brains and memories which results in the psychological effect.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of these impact more suicidal and, isolation cases
are observed
in cities.

In conclusion
, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
in the crowded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you
financially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the social life of an individual is completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are money oriented nowadays, with this attitude to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up with
psychologically
hampered society. In the near future, the impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonding will be the most.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In cities many people are living alone. What are the reasons for it? Is it a positive or a negative trend? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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