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Some business prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. So you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? give reasons for your opinion. v.2

Some business prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. So you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? give reasons for your opinion. v. 2
There are many statements issued by some business and government that disallow smoking inside their office and in public area. For some points, I agree that it will bring a lot of negative impact than freeing smoke in public. Generally, based on interview from smoker, smoking can release their stress. Many smoker smoke because they feel frustrate caused by economic and personal problem. Young smoker said that when they smoke, will look mature and be accepted by their group. Other said that they only try because feel curious but sometimes people who smoke as experiment usually become addicted. Woman smoker do not deny smoking can control their weight also. In opposite, regarding on all of benefit from smoking, it cannot be argue that smoking is one of the biggest trigger in causing disease even death for the smoker itself. Again, smoking is not only dangerous to active smokers but also people around them, or we call it, passive smoker. They will have serious negative health consequences also which caused by active smokers because they take a sip of smoke of cigarette. Also, the cost of passive smoker, it means that they got bad impact, they have to spend their money to control their health caused by active smoker. Not a few impacts in consequence of smoking even many babies die because of secondhand smoke that stick on people who kiss them. Once again, I agree that prohibition smoking in public area. In addition, with banning smoking in public can make healthy workplace and make our environment become cleaner from the cigarette butts that sometimes smoker dispose of their waste properly when they are in public places.
There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
statements issued by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
business and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
that disallow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
inside their office and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
area. For
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact than freeing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
in public.

Generally
, based on interview from smoker,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can release their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
smoker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel frustrate caused by economic and personal problem. Young smoker said that when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
, will look mature and be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by their group. Other said that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
try
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
feel curious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
as experiment
usually
become addicted. Woman smoker do not deny
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
can control their weight
also
. In opposite, regarding on
Consider using "all benefit" or "all of the benefit".
all of benefit
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
, it cannot be
Consider using the past participle "argued"?
argue
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is one of the biggest trigger in causing disease even death for the smoker itself. Again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to active smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around them, or we call it, passive smoker. They will have serious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
health consequences
also
which caused by active smokers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they take a sip of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
of cigarette.
Also
, the cost of passive smoker, it means that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their money to control their health caused by active smoker. Not a few impacts in consequence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
babies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of secondhand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoke
that stick on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who kiss them. Once again, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that prohibition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
area.
In addition
, with banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy workplace and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our environment become cleaner from the cigarette butts that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
smoker dispose of their waste
properly
when they are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
places.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some business prohibit smoking in any of their offices. Some governments have banned smoking in all public places. So you agree or disagree that this is the right course of action? give reasons for your opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
276 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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