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In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it’s the opposite, children are thought to be more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it’s the opposite, children are thought to be more important. v. 2
In some places of this world place old people in a higher part society. In another part of earth, children take important role as the future leader. This essay will argue both of sides. In Asia, especially Indonesia, Grey age is a time when a person considered as an experienced one. This is why his knowledge and opinion are worth. People believe of their advice. Young people tend to be rush and careless, here, public need to balance in deciding something. Also, Indonesians see grands as their parents, so they suppose to honor old people. Doing bad things to parents means betraying God. God reason is very valuable as long more than half of Indonesian are muslim. In some productive country, Youngsters are more important than old people. This issue comes from working style in life, that a person is measured from his usefulness in industry. The less productivity of a man the far him of society. This is because more company will avoid him from working. Moreover, grey people often need much help to do their activity, but their children choose to send them to a nursing home. Their family refuse to take their responsibility, because this activity is not productive. People of this residence type are more concern in the future, and children is the main role of the next era. In my opinion, taking elder people in the high place is a must. As a child of certain parent, I need to remember that my success comes from their pray. A great era will never forget its culture and history, and old people are a part of it. In the same time, focusing in youngsters are important too. Especially in shaping them to be great person who honors the old people
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places of this world place
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in a higher part society. In another part of earth, children take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role as the future leader. This essay will argue both of sides.

In Asia,
especially
Indonesia, Grey age is a time when a person considered as an experienced one. This is why his knowledge and opinion are worth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
believe of their advice. Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to be rush and careless, here, public need to balance in deciding something.
Also
, Indonesians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
grands as their parents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they suppose to honor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Doing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things to parents means betraying God. God reason is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
valuable as long more than half of Indonesian are
Possible spelling mistake found.
muslim
.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
productive country, Youngsters are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from working style in life, that a person
is measured
from his usefulness in industry. The less productivity of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
the far him of society. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
will avoid him from working.
Moreover
,
Possible spelling mistake. 'grey' is British English.
grey
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
need much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to do their activity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their children choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
them to a nursing home. Their family refuse to take their responsibility,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this activity is not productive.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of this residence type are more concern in the future, and children is the main role of the
next
era.

In my opinion, taking elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the high place is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
. As a child of certain parent, I need to remember that my success
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from their pray. A great era will never forget its culture and history, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are a part of it. In the same time, focusing in youngsters are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
too.
Especially
in shaping them to be great person who honors the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
people
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
15Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it’s the opposite, children are thought to be more important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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