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In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it’s the opposite, children are thought to be more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it’s the opposite, children are thought to be more important. v. 1
Whether it is on TV, radio or hoardings on the side of the road, advertisements have become a part of our life. Advertising is a powerful and persuasive medium. I believe that the beneficial effects of ads overpower the detrimental ones. On the positive side, advertisements provide us with information on new products. If it were not for electronic and print advertising, many products would not be bought. In this way, advertising provides an important service to manufacturers and some consumers. Additionally, it fuels the advertising industry, creating jobs for thousands of people. In this respect it has become the backbone of many economies of the world. Furthermore, advertisements touch social issues. For example, when Amitabh Bachhan tells people to bring their children for pulse polio immunization, people listen. Then, there are ads against female foeticide which are very informative. Advertisements also teach a lot about the country from where the ads come. This is because through satellite TV we can see ads from all over the world. For instance, when we see a Japanese advert of a lady in a kimono, we come to know about the traditional clothes of Japan. However, the adverts also have a downside. Because of advertisements, sometimes we buy what tempts us without the insight of what we need actually. Impressive images, videos, or captions are bound to leave an imprint on us. Secondly, the ads are very disturbing at times. Television commercials are a great example of this. Just as we are enjoying a TV program, a commercial break occurs, forcing us to listen. Then, the ads show dangerous stunts, which may be copied by children and they may get hurt. Finally, some ads target vulnerable children and so children pester their parents to buy things which can upset the family budget. To conclude, adverts have their advantages and disadvantages. Indubitably, the merits outstrip the demerits. The onus lies on us to look into our real needs and not be swayed by adverts.
Whether it is on TV, radio or hoardings on the side of the road,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
have become a part of our life. Advertising is a powerful and persuasive medium. I believe that the beneficial effects of ads overpower the detrimental ones.

On the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
provide us with information on new products. If it were not for electronic and print advertising,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
products would not be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
. In this way, advertising provides an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
service to manufacturers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
consumers.
Additionally
, it fuels the advertising industry, creating jobs for thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. In this respect it has become the backbone of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
economies of the world.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
touch social issues.
For example
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
Amitabh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bachhan
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tells
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for pulse polio immunization,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
listen. Then, there are ads against female
Possible spelling mistake found.
foeticide
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
informative.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Advertisements
also
teach a lot about the country from where the ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
through satellite TV we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
ads from all over the world.
For instance
, when we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a Japanese advert of a lady in a kimono, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to know about the traditional clothes of Japan.

However
, the adverts
also
have a downside.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
what tempts us without the insight of what we need actually. Impressive images, videos, or captions
are bound
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
an imprint on us.
Secondly
, the ads are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
disturbing at times. Television commercials are a great example of this.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as we are enjoying a TV program, a commercial break occurs, forcing us to listen. Then, the ads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
stunts, which may
be copied
by
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
children and
they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ads target vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
pester their parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things which can upset the family budget.

To conclude
, adverts have their advantages and disadvantages.
Indubitably
, the merits outstrip the demerits. The onus lies on us to look into our real needs and not
be swayed
by adverts.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important while in others it’s the opposite, children are thought to be more important. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
330 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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