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In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. v. 1
People have different views about the significance of old people and young people. While some people disagree with the idea of giving the older generation a high priority, I believe that seniors should be the main focus of attention compared to the youth. There are two key reasons why the younger generation should be considered to be of a valued member of society. Firstly, young people can work longer hours with sufficient productivity. That is because young individuals possess a high metabolic rate so as to get their tasks done both efficiently and well. Thus, these hard jobs might not affect their work-life balance. Secondly, many young people take an active part in volunteer projects and this can be beneficial for both the individuals and society as a whole. For instance, those who work in medical profession can participate actively in preventing the spread of disease in a particular area. Nevertheless, it seems to me that it is vital to attach great importance to the senior citizens of the country. The main reason for this view is that older people act as role models for youth as they are a huge source of experience. For example, many grandparents might be in a position of responsibility for taking care of their grandchildren since the parents of children do not have sufficient time to care for their children. Furthermore, cultural values have been handed down for hundreds of years via the older population of the nation. More importantly, they convey the cultural norms that help to maintain the fabric of society. In conclusion, although there is ample evidence to consider young people to be important residents of the country, I contend that the elderly have profound insights in terms of family and culture that ought to be valued.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about the significance of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
disagree with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of giving the older generation a high priority, I believe that seniors should be the main focus of attention compared to the youth.

There are two key reasons why the younger generation should
be considered
to be of a valued member of society.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can work longer hours with sufficient productivity.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals possess a high metabolic rate
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their tasks done both
efficiently
and well.
Thus
, these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
jobs might not affect their work-life balance.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take an active part in volunteer projects and this can be beneficial for both the individuals and society as a whole.
For instance
, those who work in medical profession can participate
actively
in preventing the spread of disease in a particular area.

Nevertheless
, it seems to me that it is vital to attach great importance to the senior citizens of the country. The main reason for this view is that older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
act as role models for youth as they are a huge source of experience.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
grandparents might be in a position of responsibility for taking care of their grandchildren since the parents of children do not have sufficient time to care for their children.
Furthermore
, cultural values have
been handed
down for hundreds of years via the older population of the nation. More
importantly
, they convey the cultural norms that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to maintain the fabric of society.

In conclusion
, although there is ample evidence to consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
residents of the country, I contend that the elderly have profound insights in terms of family and culture that ought to
be valued
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In some cultures old age is more valued, while in other cultures youth is more valued. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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