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Some people say that it is not good for children to grow up in the city and that the countryside is more suitable for them. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people say that it is not good for children to grow up in the city and that the countryside is more suitable for them. v. 1
Health issues are increasing in enormous number due to over consumption of fast food and this situation is worsening day by day. If governments don't take any prompt action, like imposing of higher taxes along with other considerable steps, it would be difficult to cope with this situation. So, I partially agree with this idea of imposing higher taxes because that is only a single step, many other fruitful steps can be taken to make things better. Fast food is a cheaply and readily available, that’s why people are taking it in large amount. At first place, It is argued that imposition of higher taxes leads to the increase of the price of this type of food because companies pass down this effect to its consumers and prices of fast food would increase. If they eat junk food thrice in a day before, they might eat it twice or one time in a day, at least some reduction in its utility would obvious. For instance, an article published in 'The Times' magazine revealed that people tend to buy cheap burgers instead of costly one because they prefer quantity over quality. In fact, inclusion of tax is not enough remedy to control this menace which is proving fatal for people’s health. Awareness among people should be created through different mediums like TV channels, newspapers, seminars and walks. They should have realized the adverse effects of consuming too much fast food because it is fatal for physical and mental growth especially for children. For example, it has been proved through many researches that quality of oil and the type of the meat, particularly chicken is causing many hormonal imbalances in human beings. Therefore, it should be dealt with iron hands. In a nutshell, imposing higher taxes by government on a fast food item would have a better impact on reducing the amount of fast food eaten by people, but not satisfactory enough to control this situation fully. Therefore, several other measures like seminars, walks and awareness through different mediums can help to curb this evil completely.
Health issues are increasing in enormous number due to over consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and this situation is worsening day by day. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
don't take any prompt action, like imposing of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
along with other considerable steps, it would be difficult to cope with this situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of imposing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a single step,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other fruitful steps can
be taken
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
things better.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a
cheaply
and
readily
available, that’s why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are taking it in large amount. At
first
place, It
is argued
that imposition of higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
leads to the increase of the price of this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
pass down this effect to its consumers and prices of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
would increase. If they eat junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
thrice in a day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, they might eat it twice or one time in a day, at least
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reduction in its utility would obvious.
For instance
, an article published in 'The Times' magazine revealed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
burgers
instead
of costly one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
Use "to" with "prefer." You probably meant this: "prefer quantity to quality".
prefer quantity over quality
.

In fact, inclusion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
remedy to control this menace which is proving fatal for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health. Awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be created
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mediums like TV channels, newspapers, seminars and walks. They should have realized the adverse effects of consuming too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is fatal for physical and mental growth
especially
for children.
For example
, it has
been proved
through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researches that quality of oil and the type of the meat,
particularly
chicken is causing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hormonal imbalances in human beings.
Therefore
, it should
be dealt
with iron hands.

In a nutshell, imposing higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
item would have a better impact on reducing the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
eaten by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not satisfactory
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to control this situation
fully
.
Therefore
, several other measures like seminars, walks and awareness through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
mediums can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to curb this evil completely.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people say that it is not good for children to grow up in the city and that the countryside is more suitable for them. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
344 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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