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In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v.7

In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 7
Different nations care for their ageing population differently. Some nations take full responsibility while others leave it to the families to take care of their old ones. In Britain, the government sometimes pays to take care of the elderly in homes with nurses to look after them. Even though there are people that think the government should be responsible for the payment of this. Others think it should not be the responsibility of the government. In my own opinion, I think the government should be the ones in charge of this. There are times when an elder citizen has no one around to take care of them, for example, someone without a surviving relation. In an instance like this, leaving this kind person would result in suffering to the individual, furthermore, resulting in early death in most cases. But, with the government taking charge of the care, there is a chance of survival for the individual and a better life. Also, In other cases, a retired individual, for instance, someone that served and retired as a military personnel should enjoy some benefits from the government in their old age, so also, those that have worked and paid taxes all their life should benefit from these without depending on their relatives for care when they grow old. To conclude, I strongly believe that the government should take full responsibility of paying for the care of its older citizen, so as to give hope for the younger generation of a better life when they grow old.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
for their
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
population
differently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
nations take full responsibility while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
it to the families to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. In Britain, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
pays to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of the elderly in homes with nurses to look after them.
Even though
there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be responsible for the payment of this. Others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it should not be the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
. In my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in charge of this.

There are times when an elder citizen has no one around to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them,
for example
, someone without a surviving relation. In an instance like this, leaving this kind person would result in suffering to the individual,
furthermore
, resulting in early death
in most cases
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
taking charge of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
, there is a chance of survival for the individual and a better life.

Also
, In other cases, a retired individual,
for instance
, someone that served and retired as a military personnel should enjoy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
also
, those that have worked and paid taxes all their life should benefit from these without depending on their relatives for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
when they grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

To conclude
, I
strongly
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should take full responsibility of paying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of its older citizen,
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
give hope for the younger generation of a better life when they grow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In Britain, when someone gets old they often go to live in a home with other old people where there are nurses to look after them. Sometimes the government has to pay for this care. Who do you think should pay for this care, the government or the family? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
254 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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