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An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think that this has brought people closer together while others believe that people becoming isolated. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.1

An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think that this has brought people closer together while others believe that people becoming isolated. v. 1
Modern life has become easier for the people of the world, thanks to the development of internet technology. Nowadays, the internet has made our lives easier and more convenient, such as banking, shopping, ordering food, emailing and communicating. However, the internet also contains some unwanted elements or disadvantages like is increasing the gap between people’s relationship in the society such as in family and friends. The following are the advantages and disadvantages of the internet. To start with, the digital transformation of the internet has brought us many advantages to our daily lives. First, the Internet connects people around the world to get closer. People can connect to each other via sending a message or video call in a very short period for many purposes such as doing business, making new friends, studying, and facilitating communication. For example, parents can contact their children who live in an overseas via Skype, Facebook messenger in just a few minutes compared to the past when they had to contact via writing letters and had to wait for a long time for responding back. Besides, the internet also allows the people within an organization to easily communicate and share information. Thus, the rise of the internet has been a huge benefit for the human race. Although the internet has certain positive effects, the disadvantages of using the internet should be considered as well. Due to the convenience of the internet, people in society tend to socialize less face-to-face than before. As we can see in the public place, many people are spending their time surfing the internet rather than talking to the person sitting next to them. To illustrate, many parents in Bangkok raise their kids with I-pad, they think that this has benefits for their children. Nevertheless, family relationships have become isolated because they have lost the interaction in the family. Ultimately, we cannot deny that the internet has made our daily lives much more convenient and faster for communication, searching information and so on. Although it also has negative sides as well, such as a distance of family’s relationships. If parents can use the internet for the right purpose for their kids, it can be very beneficial for them.
Modern life has become easier for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of the world, thanks to the development of internet technology. Nowadays, the internet has made our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
easier and more convenient, such as banking, shopping, ordering food, emailing and communicating.
However
, the internet
also
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted elements or disadvantages like is increasing the gap between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
relationship in the society such as in family and friends. The following are the advantages and disadvantages of the internet.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, the digital transformation of the internet has brought us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
.
First
, the Internet connects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
closer.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can connect to each other via sending a message or video call in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
short period for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes such as doing business, making new friends, studying, and facilitating communication.
For example
, parents can contact their children who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in an overseas via Skype,
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Facebook messenger
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few minutes compared to the past when they had to contact via writing letters and had to wait for a long time for responding back.
Besides
, the internet
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
within an organization to
easily
communicate and share information.
Thus
, the rise of the internet has been a huge benefit for the human race.

Although the internet has certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, the disadvantages of using the internet should
be considered
as well
. Due to the convenience of the internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in society tend to socialize less face-to-face than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. As we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
in the public place,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are spending their time surfing the internet
rather
than talking to the person sitting
next
to them. To illustrate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents in Bangkok raise their kids with I-pad, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that this has benefits for their children.
Nevertheless
, family relationships have become isolated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have lost the interaction in the family.

Ultimately
, we cannot deny that the internet has made our daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
much more convenient and faster for communication, searching information and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Although it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides
as well
, such as a distance of family’s relationships. If parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the internet for the right purpose for their kids, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for them.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay An increasing number of people are now using the internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think that this has brought people closer together while others believe that people becoming isolated. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
367 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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